A Letter to the Previous Owner of MY Mobile Number

[Update: This post was selected as the BlogHer Voice Of the Year Post 2014.]

Dear Latania,

(I hope I spelled your name correctly - I tried to decipher the spelling phonetically from how you are addressed in calls and voice mails. Your texting friends, don't write your name.)

Let me first introduce myself. I am Yuvika and have had the great (mis)fortune of owning the mobile number that you previously had. It has been a year and not a single week (or rather fortnight actually) has gone by that I haven't regretted wondered at my luck of getting this very number from T-mobile. Such events in my life re-affirm my otherwise non-existent faith in karma. 

Anyways, coming back to the subject of this letter. From what I notice, you have not bothered to inform anybody - friends, family, ex-es, banks, credit card associations, health teams - that you have changed your number or are no longer available on this number. With the result, I very humbly have taken down all the information various stakeholders/parties wanted to share with you. 

So just in case you have been searching the Internet for information on your personal life, I hope you find this blog post and there's an archaic Indian-English way of saying this, "Hope this letter finds you in the pink of health." :D.

Without delaying your agony further, here are the updates from the past one year in chronological order (mostly). 

• A friend of yours and her mother wanted to have you over for thanksgiving last year. They said they knew you'd be bored and without company, hence the invite. Sorry, I don't remember the name from the voice mail. I was recovering from post-partum blues and hence my concentration was elsewhere. (Note 1: I fail to understand how people can leave a voice message for someone else on my personalized voice mail :()

• I think you are part of some mass messaging group. I got 43 messages wishing you a happy new year. You sure must have had a great new year. But, sadly you won't get these wishes anymore because, I tracked down the original mass sender's mobile number and let "her" know that you are no longer available on this number.

• Mark called to wish you a happy new year too. He has an incredibly sexy voice and when I told him this number was not yours, he so very courteously apologized. In his gorgeously husky baritone, he said, "I am so very sorry  but nevertheless a very happy new year to you too. Have a great one." Awww. Only that day, I didn't mind (so much) having this number ;).

• The Delta Skymiles Credit Card customer care has been trying to reach you forever. I get atleast one call per week from them. From the voice mails they leave, looks like you have a long overdue payment. When I do happen to attend the call, the agents (mostly females) are quite curt and icy in their mannerisms. I think they do not believe me when I say I don't know you. I no longer attend calls from that number now. And because the customer care is soo freakin' rude, am glad you haven't paid them. They are dumb too, if they have still not found an alternate way to reach you.

• All through the winter months, the NoVa school community board kept me updated about when the district schools were closed because of the snow and when they were reopening. No, I don't have school-going children of my own, but my husband found these early morning texts very useful in order for him to decide his POA for the day.

• Your ex-husband called about a week back. (Note 2: I must say the "calling" men in your life have good baritones.) He did not leave a message with me and was rather in a hurry to cancel the call (quite unusual from your usual callers who seem to have a lot of time and inclination for polite chatter).

• Two of your girlfriends sent you an MMS with their picture outside Macy's in Times Square, New York - the accompanying message was, We Miss You! I wanted to text them back saying that the picture quality was very poor and it's no longer very hep to get clicked outside that particular Macy's. Maybe, I missed an intended personal memory or joke.

• A friend of yours sent you lengthy texts about how her cousin's mom was not being treated well at her old age home and she was looking at alternatives. I thought I should reply back, so I did - very politely telling them I was not the intended recipient. She stopped sending the texts, but did not thank me. I am slightly offended.

• Your dentist's office called - you are apparently due for your annual checkup. I told them your teeth were doing great and you no longer needed their services.

• And finally, in the last 48 hours, I have received 8 automated calls from Bank of America, all with the message, "There has been an unusual activity in your Bank of America debit card." I suggest you contact them, before this unintended unusual activity becomes usual.

Apart from all of this, I also get a lot of random calls asking for you but my apologies, I have no updates or details from any of them. I am sure you will find it in your heart to forgive me.

As and when, I have more information to share, I will write to you again.

Yours sincerely,

The current owner of your previous mobile number.

30 Lessons for 30 Years

Let's come straight to the point. I turned 30 last week.

Hawwwww. But, I did :(. THIRTY. I am officially old. Booohooo. Or wait, should I just take Frost at face value - "Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty."

Now, I could have done a post on why turning 30 sucks - but nobody would be interested in that. EVERYBODY knows turning 30 SUCKS! And I do have my reasons already listed out here. I could have done a feel good post, how I still feel only 18, but then that would be only trying too hard. I already bid adieu to my 20's here. 

So, I thought as I come to terms with the big number, why not list down the lessons I have learnt as I have grown up (though that itself is questionable) - some the hard way, and some a little more easily. (No surprises that there is one lesson for each year :D.)
P.S. Ofcourse these lessons are not all saintly - they are practical and meant for "normal" human beings. After all, not every monk wants to sell his Ferrari!

1. Age is nothing but a number. And, you can play with numbers. Subtract, divide, erase - do as you please.

2. Ditto as (1) above, weight is also nothing but a number. And, btw, the years of wisdom need some display area!

3. You will spend your teens and early 20s swearing that your parents "just don't get it". And a couple of years later, as if almost magically, appreciation and understanding for all that they did and didn't do, will magically descend on you. Suddenly, spending vacations and all your "free time" with parents will become the coolest thing ever! 

4. As the years pass, friends will become harder to come by. Your 4 am and anytime friends will continue to be your school or college pals.

5. All that hurry in high school years to try on the latest mascara, eyeliner, nail paint is needless. Make-up can wait. It will sooner than later even become a little necessary on certain occasions :D.

6. You get over school and college crushes sooner than you know - those helpless tears were indeed not worthily spent. And that was surely not heart break! The biggest proof of this will be as you will find yourself "liking" (very genuinely) each other's spouse's and baby's pics on FB ;).
[Afterthought: I think I am going to invite trouble on this one, but, like my 8 year old nephew says it, who cares!]

7. There's not much fun in watching a movie with your own money, with people the whole world knows you are with, and when you can check-in on Twitter and FB. Nothing beats the ecstasy of siphoning off money from mom, bunking a class and then tiptoeing into a movie hall with "questionable" company, while all the time keeping your fingers crossed that no family, teachers or neighbors spot you! 

8. All things sugar and sweet, however good, get boring. Spice is a necessity of life. All spice, without sugar? Not many would complain ;).

9. Tears is not a sign of weakness. Nor is being emotionless a sign of strength.

10. While having a Plan B is a great idea for continuity and sanity - the only problem is that most often than not those with a good Plan B often give up Plan A very easily.

11.  In our race to get everything done, we sometimes don't spend adequate time doing things that actually matter. It is good to always have priorities, and keep re-evaluating them. You cannot do everything all the time without being unfair to yourself.

12. Your most embarrassing moment is yet to come. Everything that happened till today is forgettable and forgivable.

13. When somebody asks for help, give all you've got. If you need help, take all they've got.

14. Everybody is innocent, till proven otherwise. Take your chances, make your own judgments, nurse your own hurts, create your own experiences.

15. Forget easily. Nobody and nothing is worth it.

16. Forgive at your own pace. You are worth a lot more.

17.  It is difficult to please everyone. Somebody is going to get offended, somebody is not going to like you and many will hate you. Too bad. Their loss. You need to keep true to yourself and love unconditionally the people that matter.

18. There's always another side, another perspective to the story. The picture is never complete. Allow for malleability in your thoughts, opinions and views. Rigidity is your greatest enemy.

19. Everything is prone to change: your feelings, your clothes, your relationships, your goals - adapt and go with the flow - keep your optimism intact.

20. It is okay to "not know". Nobody knows everything, and there's a reason why Google has such a powerful search engine.

21. Tomorrow never comes. NEVER. It mysteriously disappears on the day of its impending arrival. Don't plan anything for tomorrow.

22. Indulgences - every once in a while - as often as they make you feel good - are totally worth it.

23. If you want to buy a dress or a pair of jeans that you really really like. Buy it now. Don't wait to lose a size or two before buying - because, you know it's never going to happen. [Also, refer point 2 above.]

24. Water is the elixir of life (though, good wine might come a close second). Drink lots of it.

25. If someone happens to cross your mind, thoughts or dreams, reach out to them. No, it's not weird, it's not stalking, and it's surely not being desperate. It's called keeping in touch, and do it even if it has been years since you connected.

26. Day dreaming is the ultimate panacea for all ailments - a bad day, a sour mood - imagine your favorite place, your favorite person, imagine doing something scandalous, imagine living out your most romantic or adventurous novel or movie. It will all be okay, again.

27. Let everybody have a say. You don't have to agree with what they say, but defend their right to say it!

28. Eat dessert for breakfast, main course for lunch, and salad for dinner - The only way you can reasonably scrape through middle age without a humongous midriff and without any grave cravings left unfulfilled.

29. One great plus of growing "older" is that you become more secure about your individuality. You can fearlessly claim that you love the latest tapori bollywood number, wear ill-fitting, out of fashion denims, refuse to go with the majority, without having to worry that somebody would be judging you. The need to explain yourself begins to disappear.

30. There's so much grief in the world, there are so many unfortunate people - your sorrows are trivial when you compare them to those that other people are suffering from - spare a thought for them, count your blessings, and thank someone up there (or someone you believe in) who has been taking fairly good care of you.

Misused words!

Haven't you noticed that every once in a while we say something that we didn't really mean to but had to - because we had nothing better to say or because propriety beckoned it? What about words or phrases that you hear and you know they mean "nothing" really? What about words that are often misused?

Here are some that I absolutely detest and yet maybe guilt of using them (:P):

• Cool! So what is cool? Everything that you cannot classify into more distinct and identifiable categories. It's also a word to close conversations (quite awkwardly sometimes :)).

• Awwww...The baby is cute and so is the puppy, the couple is cute and all the mushiness in PDAs (public displays of affection - mostly inappropriate :D) is also awwwwwww. But thanks to social media this simple expression has been done to death that sometimes I feel its use is nothing but sarcastic.

• Nice to meet you: We have just met - it's our first hello and first handshake, and in that nano second you have already decided it has been great to meet me? Yeah, yeah, I know it's meant to be polite, but I can never bring myself to say this to people I am meeting for the first time ever that very second - I am glad we met - it's always good to meet people - but, call me a prude if you will, I want to atleast have a minute or two long conversation for me to feel "nice" about you.

• Premium: Everything is premium - Premium Internet services, Premium produce at the grocery stores, Premium outlets, Premium quality - actually all the so called "premium" things don't deserve the premium they are offered at.

• Tragedy: This has to be the most misused word ever. Everything is a tragedy not tragic. Being a Lit student it irritates me all the more when every trifle is described as a tragedy. It dilutes the magnitude and the implied scale of the real tragedies. A tragedy has an impending doom, and inevitable fate. Most unfortunate events that happen around are really tragic.

• Awesome - Every freakin' picture, status update, video, comment, remark is awesome. It is not. How can every other thing be so extraordinary. Alas, awesome has lost its awesome-ness ;).

• We really need to do something about this/ It's high time: Take it from me nothing will be done by anybody because, let's be fair, nobody know anything about "that" and how to go about it. How about Let's do (1), (2), and (3).

So what are your pet peeves? Care to share?

Meanwhile, We really need to do something about these premium words that are nothing but an awesome tragedy to have happened to the awww-worthy social media where, by the way, it was great meeting you. Cool?

[Image source: Google Images]

Savory baking...

It had been on my mind for a while now to try some of the savory bakes that seem to be very popular on Pinterest and FB pages. Finally, a friend's visit this weekend broke the jinx and I did try my hands at a recipe. It was ridiculously simple and the end product was sooo yumm.

Presenting Cornmeal muffins (recipe here):

These were soft, light and quite flavorful. Also, they make a great side dish for any meal as you can prepare the muffins well in advance and warm them a little just before serving.

Though, I have tried making Indian veggies like aloo shimla mirch (Potatoes and bell peppers) and gobhi (cauliflower), and even some very simple casseroles (mostly sauteed veggies with cream of potato/ mushroom/ corn - a great accompaniment to spicy/flavored rice) in the oven, I have not tried too many muffins, puffs, quiches and the likes. Have shortlisted a few tempting recipes - with the hope that I will make them some day!

Baby Photo Contests

Read my take on the umpteen baby photo contest here on my mommy blog. Would love to hear what you have got to say.

We stand alone.

A friend sent this very disturbing video, along with a message to blog about this so that we can initiate a healthy discussion on what can be done to avoid such circumstances.

To briefly summarize: A young man (allegedly) committed suicide by jumping off the topmost floor of the Express Avenue mall in Chennai, India. The tragedy was just not that. It was the delay in having emergency medical aid being brought to him, so that maybe he could be saved.

I do not wish to discuss any of these: suicide vs. murder vs. accident, intent etc etc. What I do wish to discuss is the state of emergency medical help available in our country. I had a number of questions when I saw the video:

• Out of the hundreds of witnesses, did even one try calling 102?
• What is the response time for 102?
• What would I have done if I was there?
• Wasn't there a doctor or nurse who could have helped?
• Why did the police come without paramedics?
• A 10 (or more) minute delay for first-aid? Should malls have medical rooms?
• At that time, nobody knew it was a suicide, why was the public prevented from stepping in?

Here are the answers:

We are a nation that hides behind the anonymity that large masses bring. Basically, we are cowards. I am. You know what I would have done had I been there? I would have kept a "safe" distance. I swear I would have called 100 and 102 (though, from personal experience I know calling 100 is a big joke, but still.) I would have spoken to the mall authorities to extend medical help. That's all. I would not have stepped upto personally take  the guy to the hospital or give him first aid (even if I knew how to). In addition I would have stopped any near or dear one form doing so. Let's stay within a reasonable response range, I would have said. 

To whoever blames the public (and me) for apathy, I'd offer an insincere apology. The system has failed once too often for me to have any faith. Don't give me the BS on how we make the system. No, I don't. So, for once I'd rather not blame the curious and innocent bystanders.

I don't know if malls should have medical rooms. Yes, why not? But would they have helped?

The management was scared too? Or they simply didn't want any unnecessary "mess"? Who has a conscience in this country anymore, anyways?

Somebody did call the cops though. Why did they take more than 10 minutes to show up? Was their response timely enough? Did they bring the paramedics?  What was the first aid offered to the victim? Was the mall security/authorities booked for inaction? My guess is that NO would be the answer to these questions. 

The aam aadmi (common man) wants to return home safe after his day long quest of roti (food), kapda (clothing) and makaan (shelter).

The people with the muscle and the moolah need their hands free from any unwarranted mess because they have a lot of s*&%t to deal with anyways.

The law enforcers have to choose between protecting the common man or the people with the money and power. They don't have much of an option, do they?

The government needs the law enforcers and the powerful moneyed people to make money for those in positions. They are not sure whether they'll be reinstated in the next elections - so this maybe their only opportunity to fill their personal coffers up.

So, what does one do? Just what the video says at the end. Be alert. Be safe. You are on your own. Oh yes, you can once in a while try checking up if the guy up there still exists.

(If you have a better suggestion, bring it on - but before you talk about Satyagraha and fasts unto death, boycotts and andolans/revolutions, just keep in mind we are talking about ordinary people like you and me who stand alone in a country of over a billion people.)

How mommyhood restored my faith in karma and the cycle of life...

A fun post on my mommy blog about parents, karma, and the cycle of life. Check it out if you have the time.

bewafai

साक़ी से गिला तो मैखाने से हमने मुंह मोड़ लिया;

हमसफ़र से शिक्वा और कारवाँ ही छोड़ दिया;

आफ़ताब ने ऐसा जलाया कि रोशिनी से मन ऊब गया;

साहिल पे जो मात खाई, लेहेरों पे फिर यकीं कहाँ हुआ।


हँसी ने जब गम को पनाह दी, ख़ुशी को अलविदा कह दिया;

ऐसा इश्क़ की हम हम ना रहे, जुनूँ  से भी रिश्ता तोड़ दिया;

अंधेरों में अब वोह बात कहाँ, रात से जब बैर हो गया;

खामोशी ने ऐसा साथ निभाया, बातों पर यकीं ना रहा।


और भी गिले हैं, शिक्वे कई - शायद सबको भुला दिया,

चोट भी हैं और दर्द भी वहीँ - अब तो सब सह लिया;

तुमसे क्या बैर, ख़ुदा ने भी कुछ ख़ास साथ ना दिया,

पर ना  जाने  क्यूँ, उसके जहाँ को सीने से लगा लिया।

-----------------------------------------------------------

(Last time I took a shot at hindi poetry, some readers came back asking for an English translation. Everyone knows translation can never convey the absolute original intended meaning, but nevertheless, here's an attempt for the piece above:

Betrayal

I didn't get along with the tavern keeper, so stopped going to the very tavern.
Discontentment with my soul mate, and I abandoned the journey.
The sun left such deep burns that I fell out with light itself.
How I was cheated at the shore, I could never trust the waves again.

When my smile gave sanctuary to my sorrow, I bid farewell to happiness forever.
Such love that I lost myself; passion has now deserted me.
The darkness no longer inspires awe or fear since I befriended the very night.
Silence has been such an ardent companion, I no longer trust conversations.

I have many grievances, many disappointments too - but most have been forgotten.
There's hurt and there is pain - but I have borne it all.
What can I hold against you when God himself was never by my side;
Yet, I don't know why, I embraced his world close to my heart.

First cheesecake!

When my S-I-L shared this recipe of a no-bake Oreo cheesecake on her blog, I bookmarked it for a must-try. Vish's first Father's Day presented the perfect opportunity :D. 

The recipe is fairly simple and the end product is soo yumm. How can it not be with - complete with lots of whipped cream, cream cheese and Oreo cookies! (I am dead serious about trying out more varieties of cheesecakes!)

Slurrp...time to dig into the leftover in the refrigerator :P.

And this time around, I did not forget taking a pic. ;)

(P.S. Whenever I whip cream and then decorate the cake, it always falls - doesn't stay sharp - any tips and tricks?)

Hitler's Children

I saw this really good documentary on Netflix the other day - it's called Hitler's Children - a conversational-styled movie with dialogues with the surviving children/grandchildren of the topmost (and hence the most fearsome) officers of the Nazi regime and some of the first and second generation holocaust survivors.

It deals with issues of the burden of carrying a fear-inducing surname - the feeling of guilt, responsibility, embarrassment, shame. The most powerful moment of the film for me was when the grandson of the Auschwitz camp commander visits the camp on a day when a survivor from that very camp is also visiting. The grandson is asked to answer a few questions by the tourists, and as he struggles to hold back his tears and give dignified responses, this survivor walks upto him, hugs him tight and says, "You were not there, it was not your fault. That was another time." I still get goosebumps recalling that scene. The grandson completely broke down - was it a closure or not is debatable. Did the survivor feel that having met the next generation of his perpetrator and forgiving him, he can move on - forgive and forget? Did the son feel that having got that acknowledgement from a person who lived through the camp atrocities is a befitting closure to the years of guilt and shame? I do not know.

The documentary made me wonder on the larger question of what family legacies and surnames do to an individual's life. Obviously, they have greater bearing if there is real greatness or tragedy associated - but how do children deal with it. I am sure sons and daughters of politicians and actors in the current world have it easy - do they really have a "burden on their shoulders", I think not. Ditto with business men. (Pardon me for my dismissive tone.) But imagine being born to parents who have been responsible for killing millions or some other negative impact that history can never forgive and forget - what do you do? Would you "renounce" the "name" or would you "live" with it?