bliss. (sorry, too rosy)...marital discord. (no, too negative)... marital cord. (seems too forced)... marital...eff it. There's no perfect way of putting this - a decade of marriage. Yes, so, this past week, Vish and I celebrated 10 years of being institutionalized in the socially enforced and culturally mandated, in our case, also self inflicted, paradigm of matrimony.
Once your wedding anniversary cake needs two candles, you know your relationship has evolved to a more-or-less stable plateau. The peaks and the troughs have mellowed to a more balanced cardiogram - this evolution is not easy though. So, ladies and gentlemen after five lessons of marriage and the seven secrets of a happily-ever after, presenting to you 10 different way your relationship evolves once you tie "the' knot. If you nod your head in agreement, do share the love and if you don't I'd really want to hear from you!
Here goes...(Needless to mention it is from the wife's perspective, which also happens to be the right perspective)
Honeymoon period (first 1-2 years)
5-7 Year Milestone
10 Year Milestone
|1. His Memory|
10/10 - remembers first meeting, what you wore on the first date, date and time when he proposed, date and time when you sad yes etc etc.
8/10 - The wedding ritual itself seems to damage the part of the brain that stores dates and events for most men. However, with some hinting, they do remember at this stage and will also work towards making it up to you.
4.5/10 - There’s a complete loss of memory from the Pre wedding era. That they are alive is only because birthday and wedding anniversary dates are not forgotten.
Never mind the score - you announce the celebratory event date and time weeks in advance, plan the details, and set up calendar invites so there are no “surprises”.
2. His presents
Not just physical expressions of love but long letters, love ballads, musical compositions and what not
Surprise presents sill happen every once in a while, there are surprise trips too - celebrations are mostly lavish.
“What presents do you need? Am I not your greatest gift? You have everything,it is very difficult to buy anything for you.”
She finally takes charge - spends time researching her own perfect gift and then buys it on his behalf. No disappointments on either side.
3. Text messages
I love you.
I Love you too.
She: Why don’t we text each other like we used to?
He: What do you mean?
Is there tylenol at home? I have a massive headache.
4. Random phone calls
1152 times a day
I was missing you / your voice. Blah blah.
2-3 times a day
Now we stay together right, what’s the point of calls!
Why did you call?
Just like that.
Arre, didn’t we just meet in the morning, and will meet again in the evening.
If something comes up and is really important, text me.
5. Good mornings
Early morning calls - yours is the first voice I want to hear when I get up.
Good morning love, how nice to see your face the first thing every morning.
Why do you put an alarm when you don’t want to get up - it always disturbs my sleep.
It’s your turn to wake up early with the little one - get out of bed, now.
6. Dreamy nights
Long never ending phone call till one literally falls asleep.
I don’t understand how a person can take over the entire bed while sleeping - I have been suffering now for so many years.
Did you lock the front door?
But you came in after me?
But I asked you to check?
Did you atleast switch off all the lights?
Why is there only one responsible person in this house?
7. His compliments
You are the most beautiful - your hair, your eyes, your face, your cheeks, your lips, your hips, the feet everything!
You are so beautiful.
She:How am I looking today?
He: As always.
She: And how do I look “always”
She: How am I looking today?
He: Awesome (has not bothered to so much as even glance in your direction)
8. His observations on her cooking
She: I can’t cook.
He: Who needs food, we will live on love.
She makes half-cooked half-burnt food.
He: this is the yummiest food I have ever had
She has graduated to a reasonably decent cook.
He; I don’t like how you make aloo gobhi (a medley of potatoes and cauliflower). I don’t like baingan (egg plant).
She is a confident cook now - and she no longer needs his opinion. He has two choices eat it or leave it. He doesn’t complain anymore.
9. His shopping behaviour
Oh those trips to the mall hand in hand.
I’ll buy what you like and you buy what I like.
Why do you take so long shopping? Why do you shop so much?
He: Bye, have fun shopping. I will stay at home - can you please get a couple of Ts and shorts for me too. And I am out of perfume. If you see a good wallet and a belt - but only if you come across a decent shirt….
10. Expression of love
I love you 1241 times a day
5-10 times a day
Occasionally - on special events
I don’t understand why anyone would say I love you.If you truly mean it, it will show, you don’t have to say it.Ofcourse I love you, that’s why we are together even after all these years. That is so naive.
So which stage of evolution are you in?