Monday, September 23, 2013

A Letter to the Previous Owner of MY Mobile Number

[Update: This post was selected as the BlogHer Voice Of the Year Post 2014.]



Dear Latania,

(I hope I spelled your name correctly - I tried to decipher the spelling phonetically from how you are addressed in calls and voice mails. Your texting friends, don't write your name.)

Let me first introduce myself. I am Yuvika and have had the great (mis)fortune of owning the mobile number that you previously had. It has been a year and not a single week (or rather fortnight actually) has gone by that I haven't regretted wondered at my luck of getting this very number from T-mobile. Such events in my life re-affirm my otherwise non-existent faith in karma

Anyways, coming back to the subject of this letter. From what I notice, you have not bothered to inform anybody - friends, family, ex-es, banks, credit card associations, health teams - that you have changed your number or are no longer available on this number. With the result, I very humbly have taken down all the information various stakeholders/parties wanted to share with you. 

So just in case you have been searching the Internet for information on your personal life, I hope you find this blog post and there's an archaic Indian-English way of saying this, "Hope this letter finds you in the pink of health." :D.

Without delaying your agony further, here are the updates from the past one year in chronological order (mostly). 
  • A friend of yours and her mother wanted to have you over for thanksgiving last year. They said they knew you'd be bored and without company, hence the invite. Sorry, I don't remember the name from the voice mail. I was recovering from post-partum blues and hence my concentration was elsewhere. (Note 1: I fail to understand how people can leave a voice message for someone else on my personalized voice mail :()
  • I think you are part of some mass messaging group. I got 43 messages wishing you a happy new year. You sure must have had a great new year. But, sadly you won't get these wishes anymore because, I tracked down the original mass sender's mobile number and let "her" know that you are no longer available on this number.
  • Mark called to wish you a happy new year too. He has an incredibly sexy voice and when I told him this number was not yours, he so very courteously apologized. In his gorgeously husky baritone, he said, "I am so very sorry  but nevertheless a very happy new year to you too. Have a great one." Awww. Only that day, I didn't mind (so much) having this number ;).
  • The Delta Skymiles Credit Card customer care has been trying to reach you forever. I get atleast one call per week from them. From the voice mails they leave, looks like you have a long overdue payment. When I do happen to attend the call, the agents (mostly females) are quite curt and icy in their mannerisms. I think they do not believe me when I say I don't know you. I no longer attend calls from that number now. And because the customer care is soo freakin' rude, am glad you haven't paid them. They are dumb too, if they have still not found an alternate way to reach you.
  • All through the winter months, the NoVa school community board kept me updated about when the district schools were closed because of the snow and when they were reopening. No, I don't have school-going children of my own, but my husband found these early morning texts very useful in order for him to decide his POA for the day.
  • Your ex-husband called about a week back. (Note 2: I must say the "calling" men in your life have good baritones.) He did not leave a message with me and was rather in a hurry to cancel the call (quite unusual from your usual callers who seem to have a lot of time and inclination for polite chatter).
  • Two of your girlfriends sent you an MMS with their picture outside Macy's in Times Square, New York - the accompanying message was, We Miss You! I wanted to text them back saying that the picture quality was very poor and it's no longer very hep to get clicked outside that particular Macy's. Maybe, I missed an intended personal memory or joke.
  • A friend of yours sent you lengthy texts about how her cousin's mom was not being treated well at her old age home and she was looking at alternatives. I thought I should reply back, so I did - very politely telling them I was not the intended recipient. She stopped sending the texts, but did not thank me. I am slightly offended.
  • Your dentist's office called - you are apparently due for your annual checkup. I told them your teeth were doing great and you no longer needed their services.
  • And finally, in the last 48 hours, I have received 8 automated calls from Bank of America, all with the message, "There has been an unusual activity in your Bank of America debit card." I suggest you contact them, before this unintended unusual activity becomes usual.

Apart from all of this, I also get a lot of random calls asking for you but my apologies, I have no updates or details from any of them. I am sure you will find it in your heart to forgive me.

As and when, I have more information to share, I will write to you again.

Yours sincerely,
The current owner of your previous mobile number.

25 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. he didn't - looks like she must have contacted him :)

      Delete
  2. Yuvika, I need your phone number. I don't have a baritone voise, but sometimes, when I have a cold, it sounds bass! At ANY rate, here's what I can offer. I can BREATHE HEAVILY on demand. There are lots Peeps around who can do that, but if I am only one to offer, I'm IN. Specialize in 2AM and 3AM calls.

    You can write number here: ________________ ---grin!

    This WAS a fun read, I kept thinking you'd have something "illegal" to report to the former user...and the Security Agency of your choice.
    PEACE!
    Steve

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol! Steve, thank you, but I will let your offer pass - nowadays, I'd rather just sleep in peace than hear baritones on the phone - esp. at 2AM and 3AM :).

      Delete
  3. Good,keep updating on the progress on daily basis.😊 I like your polite way of saying 'who are you the hell and where are you'.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I can't help but think if this person is no longer alive or is in some serious medical condition. Hmmm.. I mean who doesn't pass on the new contact number to guys like Mark. Obviously something is fishy. o.O

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Who knows maybe she did get in touch with Mark again :)

      Delete
  5. On a serious note. Can nothing be done about it? Like track down the details of the person and understand why the change has not be communicated?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think that would take too much effort on my part!

      Delete
  6. Hahahaha Hilarious :-)

    I can imagine how you would have answered the calls Yuvika :-)

    Can't stop laughing :-)

    ReplyDelete
  7. i took a mobile no. some yrs back that previously belonged to someone who had defaulted on a bank loan. It was really a headache and finally I had to surrender it to that idiotic and indifferent service provider company. I can understand ur pain..

    ReplyDelete
  8. This was hilarious. I don't know if this is fact or fiction but if its true and I were you, I would surrender that number and go for a new one. But then who knows the new number may bring in more adventures.
    By the way if you are planning to hold on to the same number, then let me know when part-II is published.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. it is true. giving up the number would also inconvenience me :(. and yes, i will let u know if part 2 happens :)

      Delete
  9. I guess your patience amazes me.The 'Mark' bit to the story was intriguing.Maybe you can just block all those people via your service provider/phone/mobile app?
    Cheers
    Vandhana

    ReplyDelete
  10. I guess your patience amazes me.The 'Mark' bit to the story was intriguing.Maybe you can just block all those people via your service provider/phone/mobile app?
    Cheers
    Vandhana

    ReplyDelete
  11. That will be a lot of work for me :(

    ReplyDelete
  12. an awesome read. first time to your page and am amazed with your wriing skill and sense of humor.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Thanks Sayantani for stopping by, and for your very generous words!

    ReplyDelete

I appreciate you taking out the time to share your valuable opinions! They mean a lot!

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