Wednesday, March 1, 2017

A decade of marital...

umm, marital  bliss. (sorry, too rosy)...marital discord. (no, too negative)... marital cord. (seems too forced)... marital...eff it. There's no perfect way of putting this - a decade of marriage. Yes, so, this past week, Vish and I celebrated 10 years of being institutionalized in the socially enforced and culturally mandated, in our case, also self inflicted, paradigm of matrimony.

Once your wedding anniversary cake needs two candles, you know your relationship has evolved to a more-or-less stable plateau. The peaks and the troughs have mellowed to a more balanced cardiogram - this evolution is not easy though. So, ladies and gentlemen after five lessons of marriage and the seven secrets of a happily-ever after, presenting to you 10 different way your relationship evolves once you tie "the' knot. If you nod your head in agreement, do share the love and if you don't I'd really want to hear from you!

Here goes...(Needless to mention it is from the wife's perspective, which also happens to be the right perspective)



Dating period
Honeymoon period (first 1-2 years)
5-7 Year Milestone
10 Year Milestone
1. His Memory
10/10 - remembers first meeting, what you wore on the first date, date and time when he proposed, date and time when you sad yes etc etc.
8/10 - The wedding ritual itself seems to damage the part of the brain that stores dates and events for most men. However, with some hinting, they do remember at this stage and will also work towards making it up to you.
4.5/10 - There’s a complete loss of memory from the Pre wedding era. That they are alive is only because birthday and wedding anniversary dates are not forgotten.
Never mind the score - you announce the celebratory event date and time weeks in advance, plan the details, and set up calendar invites so there are no “surprises”.
2. His presents
Not just physical expressions of love but long letters, love ballads, musical compositions and what not
Surprise presents sill happen every once in a while, there are surprise trips too - celebrations are mostly lavish.
“What presents do you need? Am I not your greatest gift? You have everything,it is very difficult to buy anything for you.”
She finally takes charge - spends time researching her own perfect gift and then buys it on his behalf. No disappointments on either side.
3. Text messages
I love you.
I Love you too.
She: Why don’t we text each other like we used to?
He: What do you mean?
Is there tylenol at home? I have a massive headache.
4. Random phone calls
1152 times a day
I was missing you / your voice. Blah blah.
2-3 times a day
Now we stay together right, what’s the point of calls!
Why did you call?
Just like that.
Arre, didn’t we just meet in the morning, and will meet again in the evening.
If something comes up and is really important, text me.
5. Good mornings
Early morning calls - yours is the first voice I want to hear when I get up.
Good morning love, how nice to see your face the first thing every morning.
Why do you put an alarm when you don’t want to get up - it always disturbs my sleep.
It’s your turn to wake up early with the little one - get out of bed, now.
6. Dreamy nights
Long never ending phone call till one literally falls asleep.
Oh love!
I don’t understand how a person can take over the entire bed while sleeping - I have been suffering now for so many years.
Did you lock the front door?
But you came in after me?
But I asked you to check?
Did you atleast switch off all the lights?
Why is there only one responsible person in this house?
7. His compliments
You are the most beautiful - your hair, your eyes, your face, your cheeks, your lips, your hips, the feet everything!
You are so beautiful.
She:How am I looking today?
He: As always.
She: And how do I look “always”
He: Usual
She: ??
He: Great
She: How am I looking today?
He: Awesome (has not bothered to so much as even glance in your direction)
8. His observations on her cooking
She: I can’t cook.
He: Who needs food, we will live on love.
She makes half-cooked half-burnt food.
He: this is the yummiest food I have ever had
She has graduated to a reasonably decent cook.
He; I don’t like how you make aloo gobhi (a medley of potatoes and cauliflower). I don’t like baingan (egg plant).
She is a confident cook now - and she no longer needs his opinion. He has two choices eat it or leave it. He doesn’t complain anymore.
9. His shopping behaviour
Oh those trips to the mall hand in hand.
I’ll buy what you like and you buy what I like.
Why do you take so long shopping? Why do you shop so much?
He: Bye, have fun shopping. I will stay at home - can you please get a couple of Ts and shorts for me too. And I am out of perfume. If you see a good wallet and a belt - but only if you come across a decent shirt….
10. Expression of love
I love you 1241 times a day
5-10 times a day
Occasionally - on special events
I don’t understand why anyone would say I love you.If you truly mean it, it will show, you don’t have to say it.Ofcourse I love you, that’s why we are together even after all these years. That is so naive.
Uh oh.

So which stage of evolution are you in?


Wednesday, November 18, 2015

What is God?

We have started having conversations about God with our three year old, and if God's here, religion's not far behind, right? Read our approach here and let me know what you think about it.

What is God?

Monday, July 20, 2015

The Lament of the First Silver

As I brushed my (not-so) long (not-so) silky mane in front of the mirror today,
My eyes noticed a shimmer in one of those (not-so) desirable tresses -
What was it - a play of the newly fitted incandescent light bulb?
As I looked closer, my heart grew heavier...
However fanciful a sliver might sound - there was my first white - white as snow!

Oh good lord, my first white at the (not-so) tender age of four years before thirty-five
Does this happen, is it true, was this a sign of a cancer or a tumor or worse,was it simply old age?
Old age at one year after thirty - has this what it has come to? Should I sign my will already?
Are days of spring long gone, am I in the autumn of my life already?

Oh but hang on, what was that news about pollution and stress - all those chemicals in the food and air?
I look around and forget the pollution, there's my toddler and my (supposed) better half 
There's also some unrecognizable mess on the rug, and piles of laundry from the weekend.
I can't blame the gray today on global warming alone, I sigh!

My first reaction was of rage - I plucked that unwanted weed from my (not-so) happy garden
The sense of foreboding doom loomed large over my (otherwise fairly well) being
And I turned for solace to my best friend these days - the WWW.
Don't pluck, it said - color it the colors of joy - like really burgundy colored white hair seem like the thing?

Disheartened I called my loving mother who was mighty amused and said - one's a mother's blessing!
Humbug, clearly she waited a little over three decades to bless her daughter...
I mentioned it in passing to the man of the house who tutted over his tablet without so much as a glance up.
With accusatory eyes I showed the lock to my daughter who heartlessly laughed away my lamentation.

Clearly, I am growing old, in oblivion.

(Epilogue:
A couple of calming scoops of strawberry icecream later, I am trying to live again
It is difficult I won't deny, but then I take my self for a survivor.
Life is so cruel that it beats me, I think I need to open some wine tonight -
That with more icecream and chocolate should show that mocking silver that I haven't given up, as yet!)

Friday, February 20, 2015

A decadent and sinful celebration!

Vish and I clocked 8 years together as a married couple, and with a toddler on a week day, this was pretty much the highlight of our day (after a satiating meal of home made pasta and bruschetta - yes, you see I am finding my way back to the kitchen :p)!

This is an Irish car bomb cake - A chocolate Guinness cake with a subtle flavor of Irish whiskey. The frosting is whipped cream cheese with a hint of whiskey for the layers and Baileys for the top. Here's the recipe I followed. And if you are not drooling already, here's the picture of the show stopper of the evening.


Wednesday, February 11, 2015

A generation lost.

Today my nani (mom's mom) passed away...

...what she has left behind is memories - of huge jars of amle ka murabba, meethe aate ke cheele, suji ke pue, aloo ki roti (so that I would eat aloo paratha during those fussy teen years when crash diets were the norm), daal and rice from the solar cooker, hand knitted baby sweaters and nappies, her gentle voice (In all these years, I had never heard a shout or an angry tone), her subtle sense of humor, her liberal thinking, her spectacles, her freckled hands that were always soft, the pallu on her head, the red bindi, the grey curls, the bend of her spine as she said her prayers, and also the hesitant footsteps, the forgotten words, the empty silent eyes, and the fading touch with reality in the last few years. 

With her going, I have no grandparents left. She has taken with her a whole generation of "parents". 
Life is cruel; it is brutal.

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Yesterday

Through a dusty window with a broken pane,
I peeked at the lane that seemed left behind -
Not really though, it did continue to eternity,
But nevertheless there were paths that lay uncrossed.

I contemplated reliving that abandoned haven;
What is it about the days gone by,
That they always seem so perfect in introspection?
Why is today the happiest from tomorrow's point of view?

The mind's the devil you must give your due to -
It concocts this web of rose tinted nostalgia.
I often fall prey to it, but that day, I didn't;
I opened the pane wide enough and looked at Yesterday.

There it was curled up in its smug satisfaction of having passed.
I stirred it a little, rattled it some more, and gave it a gentle shake -
And - memories fell out like the crisp leaves of a vibrant fall
Not all were warm rays of the sun, cold wintry days were wrapped in too.

"Why do you hide the chill", I asked Yesterday.
"You choose to remember the warmth", it shot back.
"How so very naive of me", I wondered out aloud.
"How else would you carry my burden", offered Yesterday.

Monday, February 2, 2015

This.

(P.S. This was meant to be published around Nov-end/December during my stay in Delhi but got stuck in my Drafts folder. Here it is, now.)

This grey haze enveloping confused skies;

This nip in the air that makes you wrap your arms around yourself;

This shortening of the day and the lengthening of twilight;

This celebration of the short spurt of warm sun rays that were up until now very unwelcome;

This series of haloed lamps on the roadside vendors' carts;

This crackling of roasting peanuts and popping corn;

This feeling of loved fuzziness and dazed dreamy state that only the cold can bring;

This is the Delhi Winter!

And, boy, have I missed this!

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Indulgence for the wintry days...

P.S. I have not been washed away in rainy Portland - I have been growing fatter during my Great Indian Vacation, of which I hope to share more in the days to come but meanwhile coming to my perennial sin - gluttony. So I do promise to be more disciplined and less indulgent from February 01, 2015 but for the time being, you have to have to try this out - Chocolate Cup Cake with Cream Cheese Frosting - as sinful as this sounds, the one saving grace is that it is whole wheat!


Tuesday, July 29, 2014

5-Day Happiness Challenge: DAY 5

Last day of the Happiness Challenge...

Here's what makes me happy/feel grateful for:

1. That I was able to complete the challenge - To remember to post everyday and also think of 3 nice things to pen down - it wasn't all that easy! So I pat myself on the back for that :D.

2. Medical advancement: I was just scheduling my daughter's routine health checkup and also simultaneously reading an article about how many under-developed countries still do not have primary care access for all - this is so sad. What we take as granted in our lives is a privilege for others.

3. Fire engines and cop cars: And I grateful for not just what services they provide but also because every fire engine and cop car that passes our home, my daughter squeals in delight and is engages for a good 5 minutes giving me time to do random things like check facebook and blog!!!

So there, I have successfully completed the challenge and as part of the rules, I need to tag three people to pass on the challenge to...And they are...

- Aditi at Diary of a Cusp
- Steve at Steveroni's Blog

Onto you guys!

Monday, July 28, 2014

5-Day Happiness Challenge: DAY 4

Fourth day of the happiness challenge, and here we go...

Today I am happy and feel grateful for:

1. Easy and relaxed Monday mornings - I miss working sometimes but surely not on Monday mornings. It is not easy being with an early rising hyperactive toddler but considering I don't have to rush anywhere, we get by the mornings at our own pace - with cuddles and snuggles and chasing each other, while poor Vish jealously looks on as he gets ready for work!

2. Home cooked food: I love food but hate cooking, and after a weekend of excesses and outside food, it feels good to cook a simple meal at home. Imagine, I am saying this - I must be really bored of eating out!

3. Online gift portals: Just sent a rakhi to my brother for rakshabandhan (an Indian festival) - about 3-4 clicks spanning a time frame of 45-60 seconds, and I was done - so easy these days!

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