Fear

I shooed the cat,
It stared right back into my eyes.

I shooed the pigeons,
They hovered even closer to my food.

I shooed the squirrel,
It defiantly settled on my patio wall.

I shooed the raccoon,
It refused to leave my dustbin.

I shooed the deer,
It calmly walked towards me.

I shooed the geese,
They cackled louder and closer.

I turned around and asked someone,
How come these animals know no fear?
He gently smiled and said at once,
Cos, nobody shoos them around here.

Public humiliation in modern times...

This is an excerpt from Wiki on public humiliation: 

"Public humiliation was often used by local communities to punish minor and petty criminals before the age of large, modern prisons (imprisonment was long unusual as a punishment, rather a method of coercion)."

I am sure we all have seen old movies, history-based shows that provide ample examples of public humiliation, the most popular being, public stoning and beheading. The intent behind these seems to be obvious: to make a befitting example for all other criminals. If I park my comments on the manner of punishment and the righteousness of the judgement aside, I feel that public humiliation is a suitable way of letting everyone know that you cannot get away with messing the law of the land. What do you think?

I say this also in the context of the recent outrageous crimes against women in Delhi and NCR, specifically. People have asked for public castration, beheading, setting up on fire and what not. You know what, I agree with them. The so called humanists talk about how these methods are bestial and blah and blah. Well, what the wackos have been doing is nothing short of what can be expected from beasts of the worst kind. So why be human with them? I think, given our present social construction, just a judgement will not suffice. More than the law we fear what "others" might think of us. So, to let everybody know, a public execution of the judgement seems like the need of the hour. Doesn't it? 

In another context, in this age of social media, public humiliation has become quite rampant and it takes minutes for the incident/comment/situation to go viral: via MMS, Twitter, FB, or even YouTube. 

While it has obvious ramifications on our personal lives and more so the personal lives of the people affected, does it also make us more accountable in the larger sense of the world, or no? I wonder. 

Have you noticed how most brands are quick to respond when you post a complaint on their FB wall or using their Twitter handle?

I believe now hiring firms, and even schools, do an "online" background check to see how you "behave" in the eworld. Does that scare you? 

Are you confident of your online identity? Do you use you real name mostly or hide behind pseudonyms and anonymity?

Do you take what's written about you in real and in reel seriously or with a pinch of salt?

Have you ever been publicly humiliated - for your fault or for somebody else's?

Have you seen public humiliation work?

[Image source: Google Images]

The Spring Jinx!

What else can explain my arid blog during this season, for the second consecutive year? It has been barren, but I am hoping for fresh blossoms...Please linger on...

Do you believe in sleep quotas too?

I know, I know, I have been ignoring this space for quite a while now. But, I swear to god, I am not being lazy. I am just oscillating between two states: sleepy awake and wakeful sleep - neither of which are conducive to any decent blog posting that I would like to do. Things are getting to a point where I am convinced that God allots fixed sleep quotas to everyone and mine is near exhaustion! Read more at my mommy blog. 

Meet the "list" me!

Seriously, this is something I am not apologetic about. I don't exactly remember when and how I cultivated this habit, but for as long as I know, I have been making lists. 

During school days, I remember making lists of books I need from the library, lists of songs to "tape" from friends, list of lessons to study, movies to watch, friends to call over - for everything I had scraps of paper with bulleted items. (No wonder I became a technical writer :P) 

In college, I always had a ready list of things to shop when I had spare pocket money. That one even had a priority number assigned to each item. At work, I had lists on paper and the white board of documents to review, extra activities to do if time permits, list of tools and concepts to learn and what not.

Now that I am married, and have a family to "run", there's no limit to the lists I have. Here's a peek into all my active lists as of today:

1. Groceries/Other household stuff - This list is divided into 3 sub lists, as follows:

• Regular (for stuff I can get at the regular grocery/convenience store)
• Indian groceries
• Large scale (items that would warrant a visit to Costco, Sam's Club or the likes)     

2. A shopping list for my daughter: Contains all sorts of things ranging from diapers to clothes to books to toys to medicines - each item has an approximate Buy By date next to it.

3. Pediatrics' List: This list is updated with all the things I need to discuss with my daughter's pediatrics - whenever some specific query strikes my mind, it goes straight to the list.

4. Blog Posts To Write: Yeah! Given that I don't have the leisure to instantly start typing the minute I think of something, I quickly put the topic in this list and refer to it the next time I am at the comp!

5. Recipes to try: I follow a few food blogs, and once in a while the "regular" bloggers I follow tend to post some interesting recipe too - the links to all of these go into a list that I can access at a later date.

6. Daily to do: You won't believe it but I am this crazy. 99% of the days, before 9 or 10 AM, I pen down what are the things I need to do on that day. These include such mundane stuff as cook, clean, do laundry, keep trash out, call parents, exercise, walk, blog, mail so and so, oil hair, and so on and so forth - basically every single thing I need to do. It's a surprise I don't write breathe or even brush teeth in there!

7. Places to visit: I have been maintaining this list for years now! (Before every visit to a place, I again end up making several lists: things to carry, things to bring from there, must visit spots, must eat local food etc.)

In addition to all these lists, I have recurrent activities like payments, appointments etc. logged into Google calendar, which is set to give me reminders at 5AM of the day an event has to occur.

And I still deny that I have OLD - Obsessive Listing Disorder!

Why did I think of sharing this info all of a sudden? Well because, the other day, we went for my daughter's monthly pediatric appointment, and I was ready with my list of things to discuss. The doctor looked at me in complete amazement, and said, "Wow! I really admire the fact that you come so prepared for all the appointments. You have everything written down so clearly. Its a pleasure to see you each time." She then turned around to my husband and said, "You are one lucky man that your wife is so particular about everything". I needn't mention that Vish didn't even consider that as a compliment to me. He is forever irritated with pens and papers lying everywhere around the house, and notepad files named Things to Buy, Things to do etc., all over the desktop :D!

On a lighter note, I often joke that I also have a mental "hit" list. A list of people who I feel should be shot down - and the only reason that list does not have a physical manifestation is because I am worried if something does happen to those people, I might be put behind bars :D.

So, what lists do you keep? Or do you just go with the flow :P?

Mom's paintings on our walls!

Remember I shared some of my mom's paintings in my post: My super artist mom. I absolutely love her art work. She might be lazy enough to not getting down to picking up the brush (ouch, I am going to be hit for this one), but when she does, her creations are magical. I can't brag enough about her skill. Oh, and nor can dad. He can go on and on in appreciation. It is super cute to see him like that!

So, when my parents came visiting this winter, mom had a lovely surprise for us. Four paintings for our walls. I was absolutely thrilled, but sadly, given our preoccupation with my pregnancy and then the baby, we never got down to hanging them. This weekend, finally, Vish and I had the time to do that. I had promised myself I'd blog only after these were on the walls, and so sharing the paintings here (these are all oil on canvas, and I am posting the pictures without the frames, so that you can see them properly, without the frame glass reflections).

Oh, and btw, the first painting has a small story to it too. So, when I was in school (Class X), I had asked mom to make these cats for my room. I was in a major "doing up my room" spree, then. Now to be fair to her she did try (more than just once) to get down to making these, but something or the other more critical would come up. What do you expect, with a full time job and two brats for kids! However, all through school and college, I left no stone unturned to make her feel guilty :D. I used to always tell her back then - sometimes in annoyance and mostly jokingly, that if I'd have a daughter, she'd also reach grade 10, and the painting would not have been made. You can imagine poor mommy's plight, when I announced I was pregnant with a baby girl on her way. She was mortified that my prediction would come true and so that very instant got down to making the long promised painting, along with three others as bonus!

Oh, I don't say this often enough, I love you, mom!

THE Question (of children)

I wrote a post on this in my mommy blog. I feel it makes sense to provide a link here too for this blog's readers, because it's not just about mommies. I'd be thrilled if you have time to read the post and share your thoughts...

THE Question (of children)!

Just another love story

The sun glistened on the snow.
The latter was shy but,
Didn't know where to go;
And so she stared back at it.

He sent down comforting rays,
That promised to make love to her
In a million alluring ways.
She'd dare not resist further...

As the morning gave way to noon,
His advances became more certain.
He promised her the moon,
And said he'll recede behind the curtain.

She no longer could bear
His inviting loving gaze;
And so flung her arms bare,
Looking back at him in a daze

And then happened what does
In most loving stories since the time;
She melted into an oblivious fuzz;
He turned around without flinching a dime.

And they come in all shapes and sizes...

Triggered by S's post on her experience on being sexually harassed, and the obvious scars it leaves, some of us friends have been sharing over an FB message thread on what we have done in retaliation to being sexually harassed, especially in our school and college years. The discussion soon turned into what would be the right approach to defend oneself against molesters - ignore, laugh back (in order to insult), abuse, hit, hit and run? 

As I read what everybody had got to say, I realized that no particular approach would work as a panacea for all kinds of molestation - simply because the molesters or harassers come in so many shapes and sizes, and each requires a different treatment - and from some, there is no escape at all.

Having traveled in Delhi for so many years, in every possible mode of public and personal transport, I have met so many kinds - all disgusting but with varying abilities to cause harm. Here's my understanding and experience:

• The Peer Group Kinds: Well, these are the college going guys - usually from not your college. They'll try to take the same bus as you, come and stand next to your seat, try to establish eye contact, follow you in cars or bikes, sing the latest bollywood romantic song for you, even give you flowers on rose day and chocolates on chocolate day, and maybe ask you for your phone number or zodiac sign on Valentin's day! But that's it. They will not get physical - no touching etc. They are the ones who are scared of your male friends, family, police, and the public. This kind is best ignored. And years later when you look back at these guys, you'll only smile in indulgence, unlike the anger and discomfort you felt at that moment.

• The Frustrated Uncles: This is one perverted lot. With their middle age evident in their bellies and hair, they are frustrated with their married life, families, jobs, government, essentially, themselves. And they think the best way to let all that frustration out is feel up young girls in crowded buses, trains etc. However, the upside? They are scared of public embarrassment. Shout at them, abuse them. If they are acting really dirty, hit them with your elbow, or a compass or an umbrella - and there they go running away. Funnily, this is the kind that the public will also be very happy and ready to beat up or throw out.

• The Road Side Romoes, infamous as RSRs: These guys may span across all age groups - from young 13 year olds to 70 year olds. Usually found on cycles or foot - they will instantly decide you are Madhuri Dixit or Aishwarya Rai, the minute they see you and pass comments, sing (once in a while, they might decide to hit you too). I remember one wobbly old guy in a rickety cycle asking me: baithogi? (will you seat). I retorted: "pehle khud ko to sambhal lo" (first, balance yourself). And he got so scared! So, that's the thing, these kinds are basically idiots and dumb asses. All it takes is a gutsy girl to make them go whimpering away. Shout at them, threaten to call the cops, and go after them if they hit you, to teach them a lesson of a lifetime. 

• The RAPISTS: These are the most dangerous kinds - psychologically sick with deep rooted inferiority complex, and with no respect for any woman - the ones who will rape if they could. They are not scared of the law, have a gang to support them, use physical force or even weapons. This is the group that's the largest in Delhi/NCR, more than in an other city or town in India - and there is nothing a girl can do to get them off their trail. You ignore them, they'll follow still; you laugh at them, shout at them - they get bolder with the attention; you hit them, their ego gets hurt, they hit you back; you call the cops, they throw acid on you; you run, they rape. What can you do? Pray you never come across them.

I have come across the first three categories and have done what came to my mind at that moment. I have cried, shouted, abused and hit - hit many infact -mostly with umbrellas and compasses. And I hope atleast a handful of them were taught a lesson for life. 

Those who argue against the use of violence, need to know that you can't implement a well thought out strategy in such a case. It becomes a question of survival and self sustenance. You can't rely on the good sense of the spectators, and let me not start about the callousness of the police. I personally know of girls who were slapped by cops when they approached the PCR (police control room) vans to report "eve teasers". 

The verdict? As of now, in India, a girl's safety and sanity depends on her self defense and LUCK!

A new year wish

Here's wishing you a wonderful new year.
Hoping that peace and joy find your way,
And you also find time to remember
Those who do not live to see this day.

Between the flowing wine and the festive cheer,
The despair in the world might seep in
To bring atleast a drop of tear,
In hope for peace in this deafening din.

Women being raped, children being killed;
Economies tumbling and wars being raged.
Our prayers are feebled, and humanity outraged;
Everyday we die, but the apocalypse we survived.


Wishes of friendship and love seem inadequate.
I wish you courage and perseverance;
I wish you safety and comfort and faith,
I wish you solace for your grievance...


(Another take on the new year: A letter to my daughter)