While browsing through some news article on my Google Reader, the following ad caught my eye:
A quick Google search, and I bumped into so many matrimonial sites that cater to divorcees or widowed persons who seek another chance at the altar – SecondShaadi.com, Thesecondmarriage.com, doosravivaah.com, indiaremarry.com, and so many more!
So, is India ready for “I do”, a second time?
I will park aside the age-old debate for and against matrimonial advertisements – It makes for a separate blog entry, if at all. I am a fence-sitter as far as this issue goes – At an obvious level, ads seeking “grooms from respectable families with over 5-digit salary” and “fair, homely and convent-educated girls”, seem to commodify and commercialize the institution of marriage. But then, how is it different from going out to a singles’ club, blind dates or dates fixed by friends etc.?
Society makes marriage a complicated affair – So I will move past this discussion.
Does this spurt in such sites that are tailor-made for second marriages indicate that finally our hypocritical, closed society is trying to open up? Or is it simply a case of market dynamics – websites giving second marriages a fillip?
Whatever be the reason, I see this as a welcome dimension in our society. Inspite of increased awareness and education levels in our society, divorcees, widows and widowers largely remain outcast! If we, as a people, accept that we cannot snatch away the choice of a second innings from someone, I view the growing popularity of these sites as a mark of a more mature social structure that is moving away from the rigid beliefs and traditions and paving way for a much more inclusive community living!
Another interesting article that I came across mentioned that even though the second marriage market appears more skewed to men, there is also a considerable number of single/divorced/ widowed Indian women of the age of 50 and above registered at this site. This is a very heartening fact. Traditionally, re-marriage of women has always been a taboo. But, guess no longer so.
In this age of skepticism, it seems like the value of the institution of marriage, which is nothing but a socially acceptable form of mutual companionship, is here to stay - so what if a little handholding from the marriage portals is required! :)
I think when you get to be as old as I am...i.e. in another decade or so (!!!), you will find you know a lot more people in your peer set who have been unsuccessful in their first marriage and going in for their second...I know so many people, batchmates and colleagues not to mention relatives, who have remarried (yes its happening in the TamBram community too :)) Definitely a very positive development.
ReplyDeleteYuvika..I have been reading this in so many magazines and websites but have you actually come across any woman who got married after the age of 50 here?
ReplyDeleteIt is so good to see that we are moving past our own hypocrisies and are ready to give people second chances in life :) The change is for the better!
ReplyDelete@Aps: I understand what you are saying - have two firends who are going thru a similar patch - and thankfully it's no longer the be all and end all!
ReplyDelete@Anamika: I have actually come across a divorcee (Indian) in her late 40s who chose to remarry - yes, these are rare instances but I feel the society is opening up.
@Natasha: Agree with u!
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Cater to All function in the wedding such as:
*The Engagement
*The mehendi
*The Ceremony
*The sangeet
*The Reception
Engagement
This is the first of the formal ceremonies. Traditionally, rings and gifts are exchanged between the bride and the groom's families. Ascertain ring sizes and buy the engagement rings well in advance, so that the couple can try them out before the ceremony.
Mahendi
Indian marriages are known for their many rituals. In fact, the beauty of Indian weddings comes forth in the numerous traditions that are associated with the special celebration. Marriage day being the most important day in one's life. Infect one whole ceremony dedicated to its celebration popularly known as "Mehndi Ki Raat". Indian marriages are incomplete without dance, music and lots of laughter.
Destination Weddings
Ceremony
The Baraat is also a wonderful part of the indian marriage. The groom with the sehra tied to hide his face sits on the horse, while his mother holds a lamp lit for the household deity. It is merry ritual when they set forth for the marriage venue along with a band of musicians playing popular tracks, with his relatives groove their way to the wedding. The Swaagat is the ritual to welcome the groom and his entourage by the bride's family. The bride watches the arrival from one window of the house , careful not to gaze upon his face and then comes out to welcome him. At the entrance the groom places his right foot on top of the bride's foot to denote his dominating strength in their future life together. In the Sindhi tradition the groom is seen as the embodiment of lord Vishnu on the wedding day. The couple is seated with a screen separating them so that they cannot see each other while his feet are washed in a bronze thaali with raw milk by the bride's brother and is known as Paon Dhulai. The couple now gets ready for the wedding ceremony and is taken to the wedding platform where the ceremony is to take place.
After the Pao Dhulai, the screen is removed and the couples exchange garlands. The white cloth is taken from the groom's neck and placed around the bride which is tied to the groom's red cloth, while their rights hands are also tied together with a sacred thread as they pray to god for lifelong happiness and strength. As the Sindhi wedding involves only four phrase the couple walk around the holy fire four times. It is followed by Kanyadan, which is denoted through the holy water flowing from the parents hands into the groom's hands through the brides. The last rituals, Saptapadi are performed when the couple places their right foot on seven small piles of rice.
Sangeet
Decide whether it will be a small family gathering or a big event with a professional band in attendance.
*Book a Mehndiwali well in advance. She/he should bring the necessary material.
*List the songs and hand out the lyrics to all or you can use taped music as a back-up.
*Hold practice sessions prior to the wedding, if you are so inclined.
*Arrange for snacks or a caterer if the gathering is large.
Reception
Decide whether it will be sit-down affair or a buffet.
*Make the arrangements in advance and confirm with the venue manager/caterer in writing.
*Specify the number of guests expected to the caterer if you do not want to pay for extra food.