Saturday, September 25, 2010

Has marriage killed the girl in you?

When The Bald Guy () posted this tag on his blog, I immediately added it to my list of must-do’s, and after a sort of hectic week I finally get the time to take this head on.

The above question and a host of associated questions, including those below (reproduced from TBG’s tag), are ones that I have asked and answered so may a times myself.
Asked less, answered more than a trillion times – friends, relatives, colleagues, and even random strangers!
I think my replies have varied only slightly based on my mood and disposition at that moment in time. Here I make a conscious effort to introspect, retrospect, and ummm, well, to be honest.

Before I bring on the volley of Qs, some basic facts – Well into my 20’s, I have been married to the love of my life for more than three and a half years - and, oh boy, you could pass me as “well married”!

The Qs…
  • Are you more programmed, more regulated in your thoughts and deeds?
A definite yes! I have learned to think twice before I speak and act (in most situations I try to restrict my tongue-in-cheek responses to myself or to a close circle of dear ones), and coming from me, believe me, that takes a huge effort!

I am definitely more politically correct, diplomatic, and conforming to established institutions than I was a couple of years back.
This programming manifests itself in subtle ways – I am more patient with relatives and extended family, I try to think from the other’s point of view (however I dumb it may be to start with :D), I have learnt to make allowances for nosey, pesky people around :p: :p.

  • Or are you simply calmer? Assuaged?
If I take this as a continuation of the previous question, my actions and reaction are definitely more controlled and in line with expectations, but somehow, (even though it may sound contradictory) the raving lunatic in me is not cured.

Assuaged? My husband will do a double somersault laughing his head off if I respond in the affirmative.

I am still the crazy person my friends and family swore on way back! My idiosyncrasies remain intact (touch wood) irrespective of the waves of time that keep crashing in!
I am still bonkers enough to break into a dance in the middle of the road, have ice cream for three meals a day, make inappropriate comments in public and then laugh out loud in an “unlady-like” fashion, threaten my husband with a call to 911 if he tries waking me up early in the morning (in India, can’t threaten him with 100 coz - it's seldom answered), and make him blow balloons and decorate the cake-knife with a fancy ribbon to celebrate my birthday!

  • Are you still in love?
With whom? :D

Ok, honestly, a resounding YES - Am still very much in love (phew, thank god!) – with the person I married, with the wonderful family and friends I share my life with, and with the blessed life god has bestowed on me.

  • Or are you simply loving? Caring, fond and loyal..?
I wonder why this question begins with an ‘or’. Am I in love or am I simply loving?

Hell yeah, I am in love and I am loving to those who love me back!
I am no angel or saint; I care for people who matter to me.
I am fond of all the people I willingly include in my everyday life.
I am fiercely loyal to my loved ones - friends and family.

Marriage has not changed a thing or the intensity when it comes to love and loyalty. I was always the way I am now!

  • What does marriage do to you?
Lots :D!

Marriage makes you fall in love with your beloved all over again. Nothing like waking up to the brightest sunshine in your life.

Marriage convinces you that you made the best decision ever, coz there would be no other man in the whole world who would bring back the entire medical store for a slight cut.

Marriage makes you hate the guy you married when all his promises of love and never ending support are sacrificed at the altar of a stupid cricket match!

Marriage exasperates the life out of you when good-for-nothing relatives and well-wishers are waiting for the ever elusive “good news”.

Marriage makes you believe in the K-serials when you disagree with your MIL on the color of the curtains.

Marriage provides the much needed privacy from the ever-so-curious world outside. Finally, you can be there for each other, always, without having to explain your relationship status.

Marriage makes you independent and responsible and secure. People suddenly start taking you more seriously.

Marriage makes you dependent – this one person controls your emotional and mental well being – almost completely.

Marriage teaches you that life is not perfect as the Mills & Boons and Yash Chopras of the world will have us believe. There are tiffs, and there are misunderstandings, and it takes a lot of hard work to keep it all together for the sake of love.
But as in the end of all love stories, it is always well worth the effort you put in!

  • And finally the big one: Has marriage killed the girl in you?
NO! I would never let that happen. Vish would never let that happen. Though he would be happy if the girl in me grew up a bit in-keeping with my age, I still choose to believe he’d rather I stay the person he fell in love with – it is the complete package you get, as we both often joke!

Having said that, life has its own way of moulding you into a more mature and understanding being.

With marriage comes a new chapter in your life, with new characters, new story lines, new plots, never-before-been-in situations, not-trained-for experiences but the individual that is you remains and must remain essential to the core – whatever be the story!

Dreams don’t come true by making wishes on shooting stars, but don’t stop dreaming.

Love is also about you taking the first step forward no matter how huge your ego is, but don’t stop loving.

He seems to suffer from the most incurable form of amnesia when it comes to dates – your first date, the date he proposed, your parents’ birthdays! But don’t stop celebrating (kick him, for sure!)

Miracles don’t happen always as per expectations, but don’t stop believing in them.
Faith and hope make the world go round!

Marriage is about accommodating, including and sharing, but don’t compromise the individuality and the uniqueness that define you.

Marriage is about being the doting wife, the responsible daughter-in-law and eventually the loving mother, but don’t let the girl in you die.
She should be the beautiful, inimitable foundation on which you build your life.


  1. I'm touched very deeply by your thoughts!
    They are so well put...
    thanks for sharing..


  2. Hey Yuvika...Can I share this post on Wise She..I would like every one to read this post which is written truly from heart..

  3. Very impressed and shows your real personality.

  4. Sure thing Anamika. That's a complement thanks!

  5. Dear Yuvika:

    A big hug for writing this post. I loved every bit of it. Truly. Today I was thinking on many things and when my thoughts meandered to marriage, I was a bit skeptical. Your post took all that away.
    I am quite impressed by the honest answers and the lovely way it was conveyed.

    I wish you and Vish joy always.

    ~ Susan

  6. Yuvika I loved this post..I could relate to anything and everything that you've written and after reading this post I am further determined to marry the only person I have loved so much.. You have made me realize that problems and differences do come up but the love and faith helps you out..Even I have the similar disposition of "un-lady like laughs" and extreme crazines, but when you have managed to control some of it so can I,isn't it?..Loved the post..

  7. Wonderful! Just wonderful.. I especially liked your answer for the last question!


  8. @Vaudeville: Thank you so much. Yep, it's not a cake walk! There are days I could swear being single was the best things ever, but being taken is better ;)

    @Ram: Thanks a lot!

  9. hey just did the tag started by u. it was passed on to me by anamika. new follower here. do drop by my blog and be a follower too, byeeeee

  10. I feel it depends on who you marry tooo :)
    it doesnot necessarily mean that the girl inside one is killed after marraige , I have got Two good friends who are married and happily married .. they have beautiful wives (i have tried my best to woo them, my bad luck he hehe )

    and they are so happy together , I know each has problem they probably have theres too but they sit and talk it out, I really envy them and the girls my bhabhis I do have sometimes discussions with them they say they are happier then they were in there parents house...

    all your answers simple awesome All the best to you in future too and may you both live happily for as long as you do .. God bless you both tons of happiness your way :)

  11. thank you so much Bikram. A perfect marriage is not without fights :).
    ANd yes, it depends on who u marry too!
    Thanks once again for writing in!

  12. for generation..we men follow this..and often critized for not yet the boy in us die..

  13. very valid point - we often ignore the guy's point of view...y don;t u take this as a tag: Has marriage killed the boy in u :)?

  14. nice post. Enjoyed reading it. Well written.

  15. wow..beautifully written..loved reading it !! :)


I appreciate you taking out the time to share your valuable opinions! They mean a lot!


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