Encroachment!

I have nothing new to say. The number of sparrows is decreasing, the tigers are facing the threat of extinction, pigeons being electrocuted, and no, I will not talk about global warming.

High rises, and ever increasing urban population has pushed “natural” life to the periphery of our existence. We have so many more worries – EMIs, fuel prices, heat (forget the cause), network connectivity. And in all this whirligig that means the world to us, when we come across living beings that are not humans we either are too busy to notice them, or we spare a moment of guilt and passion, a camera click maybe, and then move on with our mundane reality.

These squirrels around my parents’ apartment in Noida had babies, and all of us spared some time to feed them food and water and observe them stealthily from behind closed windows and curtains. I am sure these cuties couldn’t care a damn about how happy we felt having them around. They must be cribbing about the lack of privacy, if nothing else.

This pigeon has a sad story. It had built a nice nest over our split ac’s rear in the balcony, and when we had to remove the covering of the AC to get ready for the rising mercury in Delhi, the nest fell over, breaking one egg. Yes, we were devastated. And that is that. The pigeon fluttered around for a couple of hours giving us the cold, accusing stare – we had a few grains and water to offer in apology – It finally recreated its abode on top of our neighbor’s bedroom window. I swear the pigeon family will be safer there than on top of the ac.

I am less sympathetic to the noisy crows, not that their right to co-exist is any less. Am sure our dislike is mutual.

So, what are your encroachment stories?

‘Kanyadaan’

Before you ask, yes that is a picture from my wedding album. This particular ritual in the hindu marriage ceremony is known as “kanyadaan”, quite inadequately translated in English as “giving or rather gifting away of the daughter”.

The hindu vedic marriage rituals pays a lot of emphasis on this particular ceremony. It is supposed to be the highest sacrifice (maha daan); and therefore, it is believed that parents who have performed the “kanyadaan” for their daughter are relieved of all sins and attain heaven.

(Parents who have sons live longer, my brother jokes!)

What exactly the ceremony entails is that the father holds the hand of the bride, while the mother pours the holy water; the father then places his daughter’s hand in the hand of the groom, as the sacred verses are enchanted in the background.

(And so ladies and gentlemen, the official handover of the seat of power and the reigns of control from the dad to the husband happens!)

From my personal experience, I can tell you that even in fairly modern families where daughters are raised and respected as equals to sons, and the “kanyadaan” is more ceremonial for tradition-sake than actually meaning that the father will no longer have any right on the daughter (and the umbilical cord is forever cut), this is a very very emotional and somber affair during the wedding.

Even though at the back of my mind I knew I was doing this for ritual-sake only, the chants of the priests and the whole ambience – the water, the physical “giving away” - and then when I had to go and sit next to my husband instead of with “my” side of the family - and finally seeing my dad stifle his tears, I thought I’d burst with all the emotions brewing inside or just scream my head off and put a stop there and then!

(Fortunately, or unfortunately, the conformist that I am, none of that happened!)

God, why do weddings have to be so emotionally taxing and exhausting!

And that is precisely the point of this post. Why can’t culture and tradition adapt to the current times. Why go through the elaborate rituals when most of them make little practical sense in the world today, wherein girls are brought up to be as independent as their male counterparts and there is no real need for her to be “taken care of, provided and sheltered” by one man or the other!

C’mon, not that I obeyed my dad to the T before marriage that I need to now “obey” my husband instead. And just because I am married, doesn’t mean dad and mom will mean any less than what they have always meant!

If I am blessed with a daughter, I am not sure I will do this kind of an elaborate and dramatic "kanyadaan” at her wedding, not even for custom-sake. Would you?

I “Obey”?

So there has been a lot to write home about the Royal Wedding, complete with the Disney fantasy like feel to the whole event. “Dreams do come true”. Oh well!

Of all the trillion articles and news items on the affair of the decade – ranging from the royal kiss to the ring that wouldn’t slide smooth, from the lovely bridal attire to the over-the-top head gears of the guests, and what not, I thought I should talk about this one: Kate 'will not obey'.

Following Diana’s royal ditch to the royal protocol, Kate decides to steer clear of vowing to “obey” Prince William (I hear he is a Duke now). Instead she pledges to “love, comfort, honor and keep” her husband. A very honest lady! Why promise what you are sure you will not do, even if it is only ceremonial!

While the old school of thought continues to defend the use of the word, “obey”, emphasizing that it is not meant as “subservient” or an excuse for domestic abuse, I’d say one should rather be safe than sorry!

This news piece reminded me of my wedding. Married following the hindu vedic rituals, during the many “mantras and slokas” (vedic chants in Sanskrit) the pandits (priests) were reciting and translating for the benefit of all, one distinct vow or rather instruction to me was that I should never do what my husband prohibits. To do anything I should seek my husband’s permission, even if I want to visit my parents etc.

While the close knit family and friends laughed through it, I looked up to Vish to assure both of us understood that this was only “ceremonial”, and well, not to be taken as the word of law. The indulgent smile from him saved the priests from an argument session, which I am sure nobody had the patience to deal with at 2 in the morning!

Though I absolutely believe in the institution of marriage, I often wonder what an MCP the person who wrote some of these rituals/vows must have been. The inherent assumption that men know better and will do better - And hence, the lesser mortals (read women) should bow their heads in subservience so that these demi-gods can lead us and make sense of our lives.

In this day and age, there continue to be women who live as puppets with their strings firmly held by the husbands. Inequality, domestic violence, verbal abuse – all continue to plague many marriages in many households in India.

We need people to come out in the open and acknowledge the wrong/injustice when they see it. So what if it is dictated by religion or religious texts. Religion is a path to God created by humans themselves – If we can’t change it for the better, who else can?

I think I am back!

yuvikachaube.blogspot.com no longer shows up in the list of most visited sites on my Google Chrome home page. Well to be honest nothing else shows up as well, except google.com, maybe.

Boy, it has been long!

But, guess what – I think I am back!

“I glanced at her and took my glasses

off--they were still singing. They buzzed

like a locust on the coffee table and then

ceased. Her voice belled forth, and the

sunlight bent. I felt the ceiling arch, and

knew that nails up there took a new grip

on whatever they touched. "I am your own

way of looking at things," she said. "When

you allow me to live with you, every

glance at the world around you will be

a sort of salvation." And I took her hand.”

- When I Met My Muse by William Stafford

There has been work, and then there has been more work. There have been moments of absolute disorientation, and then there have been moments of realization and acceptance. There have been days that flowed into each other seamlessly, and then there have been days that just refused to move on…In the organized chaos that life often offers I wonder if one would be better prepared for artless anarchy.

Yes, I have lots to talk about – and in the coming days will spam all the channels you have been kind enough to follow My Musings on! Also, a heartfelt thanks to all the loyal readers who kept checking on me and spared time to drop in a comment or two. If it’s fabulous to be read, it’s a greater high to be missed :)!

After all,

You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.

~Ray Bradbury

The cup that brewed a storm…

So finally something to break the silence!

Yes, yes we did it!

The Cricket World Cup excitement caught the entire nation in a whirlpool of enthusiasm and this feverish excitement was contagious enough to affect me too. My stance on cricket has varied between unaffected ignorance and annoyed irritation. The fanaticism with which the game is followed has been unnerving but the Saturday that was April 02nd was a day I would excuse the loud crackers and the joyous cheers – I couldn’t help but smile at the ardent fan following the game and the masters of it enjoy! (I actually live tweeted the last few overs – change of heart…err no not really!)

But then, let’s stop at that. What’s with the waiting helicopters, the real and replica cups, and ofcourse Madame Poonam wanting to strip.

Each one is welcome to do what they want, but at what cost and whose cost?

The millions worth of gifts presented – the lavish treatment – where does the buck stop, where do you draw the line? You want to dismiss it as mere cynicism, so be it. The fact is we are a developing nation and yes, by all means we should felicitate the victorious and those who make us proud but how much is the question. If this is about encouraging sports, then why only Cricket?

(And now I duck as the cricket fans throw brickbats my way.)

[Image Source: Google Images]

In the interim…

Diagnosis: Rare syndrome. It primarily affects the cranium, the cardiac muscle, and the overall skeletal system. The key symptoms of the disease include buoyancy of the skull, solidity of the spirit, listlessness of the spine – often manifested in the form of general inability to focus on tasks at hand, no clear vision of the future, writer’s block, perceived loss of dexterity of the limbs at all times of the day and night, forced hallucinations, weak will to fight it all and a strong inclination to do nothing at all.

There seems to be no clinically proven cure for this extreme medical condition.

In progress:

• Formulating a routine to factor in time for physical exercise
• Taking a break – Bangalore and back – Visiting Delhi and the US in the coming months
• Chilling out with friends in the middle of stressed out work weeks – Have been doing the casual shopping trips and the eat outs – also have hit the pub more times in the last month than I have done in years together

Suggestions and recommendations welcome. Won’t exactly murder you for playing doc!

P.S. Not announcing a hiatus. One of those phases when meaninglessness rules and most things (and most people) seem to exasperate the life out of you.

Will be back sooner than you know.

Mirror, Mirror on the wall, Who’s the fairest of us all?

Oh yes, this is one of the innumerable posts that lament the Indian obsession with all things white and pure or to put it more squarely – with “fair” skin!

It is chronic – this flaxen mania. From pregnant women forced saffron or kesar down their throats so that they give birth to vanilla babies, never mind the dark genes that run in the family – to nauseating matrimonial advertisements wherein a “fair” alliance is sought - gori is often written in brackets for most of these ads up north (of India) to explicitly state that they are not looking at any other kind of fairness in the wife-to-be.

Thanks to Fair and Lovely, white skin soon became the sure shot route to success in all aspects of life for a girl – career included. Recall the ads where a girl could become an air hostess, doctor, businessman, model, dancer etc. just by lightening her complexion (and as if that is possible)!

In this age of equality how could the double X chromosome warriors be left behind, and thus heralded the age of Fair and Handsome – brutally murdering the Mills & Boons romance of the tall, dark and handsome knight!

What irks me the most is the hypocrisy of the people advertising for these products. What about all the tall claims that beauty is not skin deep and dusky being in?

I was extremely disappointed when SRK, John Abraham and Shahid Kapoor signed endorsements for skin-whitening creams and lotions. If supposedly educated and influential people do not take any personal responsibility towards changing the dysfunctional social mindsets, how is a change in the positive direction to come about?

In this regard, the news article here about Ranbir Kapoor refusing to do a fairness ad campaign was heartening, even if I am not sure if he’s actually taking a stance or if this is just a publicity gimmick or if there is a time/price issue involved.

This is not just about endorsing colas or clothing, this is about endorsing biases, and irrespective of how indecent is the amount you are offered, "colorism" or racism/bias based on color of skin is something we need to stand against!

Darrrling…7th khoon kaunsa tha?

Yes, before I get into commenting on the movie, I really want to know which was the seventh murder or sin that is referred to in the title - the intermission (after 3 husbands) says “4 more to go” and yet the second half shows only 3 kills! I am not exactly dumb but a little confused here...

At the risk of spoiling the plot a wee bit for those yet to watch the movie – 6 husbands are murdered. The seventh husband is Christ but he is not a victim as such – so not Suzanna’s sin really – Then does she kill herself – is suicide the seventh sin she confesses to? Or is the director just trying to be a smart aleck leaving the audience with a talking point!

Those who have watched the movie, please care to explain and those who haven’t please care to watch and then care to explain :D. Why should I be the only one losing on my Sunday peace?

7 Khoon Maaf is sort of a black comedy that charts the lethal pursuit of love by the main protagonist – Suzanna. While she has the option to step out of the relationship in each of her marriages, she chooses the more macabre way to end her woes – murder of the husbands. Priyanka Chopra is compelling in her portrayal as the psychotic dame with blood on her lips – disillusioned in marriage, hopeful in her cheery optimism, and dexterous in the execution of the murders.

The director has been largely successful in making a film that is shrouded in macabre from the beginning to the end. The excellent camera work is a must-mention!

The dialogues bring out the shades of grey in each character fairly well and in a sense lead you to the fatalistic finality of the dark plot that Ruskin Bond has quite eerily put together. Having said that, the first half remains more engaging and racy than the second.

All the men have done a good job in giving Suzanna the key motives for murder – fine performances.

The background score fits well with the morbid theme providing the audience with that creepy anticipation; and the hugely popular Darrling is so apt and addictive! (I just can’t get over it. YouTube link here)

What of course is lacking in the movie is the fact that it remains hugely unconvincing as far as the story telling goes – the ready availability of accomplices, the all too obvious traps planted – and the whole logic that a single woman would be wedded to the choicest of scoundrels in one lifetime is a little skewed!

Thus, making the movie a could-be-super-engaging blood thriller - but nor does it fall to the depths of an insipid mediocre flick. This one’s quite deftly crafted and though is bone-chilling only in parts, it is watchable.

If this movie is not a crowd puller, blame the orthodox Indian masses. 7 Khoon Maaf does not cater to any of the regular expectations that the audience have from a Bollywood release. It does not try to engage the emotions of the viewers – it leaves you out in the cold – the horror unnerves you but there is no overt attempt at evocation of feelings of empathy or sympathy.

In that sense, there is no realism – there is an emotional disconnect, which lets you watch and appreciate the story at a creative, fictional distance.

(Image source: Google Images)

Destination India!

Here goes the context: Vish was asked by someone he knows to provide a few travel tips for a trip in February to India, Chennai specifically. This person is an American and this was his first expedition ever to India.

So when we got down to putting some tips together we decided to omit the most common ones that Google would throw up or any other site on India would provide.

I thought of sharing the tips here. We based most, in fact all of these, on what we have observed during our conversations with people from other countries and what we have personally experienced when travelling back and forth.

• If this is your first trip to India, be warned - you shall be stared at with no particular intention to harm you or make you uncomfortable. Most Indians can get very inquisitive of "foreigners". So take all the attention with a pinch of salt. As far as regional security goes, it is extremely safe, so no worries on that front.

• Mentally brace yourself for crowds. The population within the metro area of Chennai is over 6.5 million people (No. 32 in the world in terms of population in metro areas). So, you'll know exactly what I am talking about when you get out of the airport - people, people, and more people. Embrace yourself for a "noisy" welcome - most places, and more so the airport and outside are exceptionally noisy when compared to most American states. No solution for this one :). It might be a bit draining at first but you will get used to it.

• Be careful with the food. Spicy means really spicy - Ensure that when you place the order, you specify your tolerance level for spice and chilies and any food allergies that you might have.

• Most American brands, when it comes to daily food, clothes etc., are available here in the malls, so don't bother too much with stacking up too many stand by options from home.

• If you plan to do a lot of sightseeing and traveling (which ideally you must if you have the time - there are some great historic and culturally significant places around and Feb is a reasonably okay time to explore the city), it would be a good idea to keep a mosquito repellent cream and disinfectant cleansing solution handy at all times. You can buy them locally in India if you are not too particular about a specific brand. I recommend Mahabalipuram, Dakshinchitra and Pondicherry if you get the time.

• You have to take advantage of the numerous beach side resorts on the East Coast Road (ECR) if you get the time. Suggested resorts are Fisherman's Cove, GRT. Secluded beaches and a lot of amenities provided. The beaches in the city are way too crowded.

• As with most developing economies, infrastructure is always the slowest to keep pace with the development, hence you will see construction everywhere - houses, roads, flyovers and metro rail. Therefore, the dust and pollution level in India in general and in Chennai, in particular, are very high - ensure you travel in a closed vehicle. You might experience watering and reddening of the eyes - It would be good to keep eye-irritation relief solution in hand all the time in addition to any anti-allergens that you take. Also traffic jams everywhere so you will have a lot of time to observe all the mayhem around you. ;)

• Traffic rules are non-existent so watch it when you are walking around the streets. (Welcome to the civilized world!)

• Sadly, the huge rich-poor divide ensures that there are always people out there to waiting to make a fast buck off tourists; the general impression being that anybody white has a lot of money to spare! Ensure that you know the general rates of autos (3- wheeled rides not advisable to take), taxis (call taxi service is readily available) before hand so that you can negotiate fares before the ride - it's good to go to fixed-rate shops, or take a local along for shopping when going to touristy small markets. Gratuity is NOT a must but if you feel you got good service its fine. Most people expect to be tipped from foreigners but you are under no obligation to pay.

• The best places to get a drink are the numerous hotels in the city which have their own lounge bars. I recommend The Park, Zaras Tapas Bar, and Taj Connemara for a few. The Park especially is in the heart of the city (located close to the US consulate) and is the watering hole for a lot of expats.

• Thankfully, in Chennai most people do understand English but not so much the American accent - It would be a good idea to speak slowly and loudly to get your point across.

That was our rather exhaustive list! Let me know your take. What would you add? What would you let go?

Patiala House: Enter at your own risk!

So I didn’t go to Patiala House with any great expectations, especially after having been subjected to Tees Maar Khan - I was not even sure why I was in for gambling my Sunday morning. Aah, the remorse that hindsight brings!

Let me start this one objectively.

Music is an easy one to comment on - I loved the Punjabi feel to the songs with the title number being my favorite of course! However, not too much to write home about. Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy have done better stuff, haven’t they?

About the performances: Akshay tries hard but is a little unconvincing as the spineless Gattu who has brushed his dreams under the carpet to follow the diktats of his dad to the T. Anushka Sharma is wonderfully fresh as the gori Simran who brings in a ray of hope for change in the dictator’s set-up. Rishi Kapoor’s fantastic as the tyrannical man of the house, the biased Sikh who cannot erase from memory the racist attacks during his initial years in South Hall, the pind of England. The rest of the ensemble including Dimple Kapadia (who sadly for her caliber gets just one dialogue) has done a reasonably good job as the frustrated yet fiery lot of Patiala House. Kudos to them!

Ok, then, what exactly is wrong with Patiala House – The pace for sure is very sluggish, especially in the first half. Interval time and the story had not progressed at all!

I personally felt the story had potential – the tried and tested formula of the Indian family saga tied with the most popular game of the country (Cricket), along with the Patiala peg and Punjabi festive fervor thrown in… But that spark, the fire, the natural flow was missing – The course of the film is highly erratic - The supposed focus on the father-son relationship is hardly traceable – one minute Rishi Kapoor is dying of a heart attack because his son’s playing for England and the other minute he is cheering for him at the stadium – Ditto for the love equation between Akshay and Anushka – it seems way too forced and bouncy – suddenly she is shouting I love you and I swear to god, Akshay Kumar seemed as shocked as the audience who were like – Already? When did that happen?

The screenplay does not give enough time for the characters and relationships to evolve – the end result being very sketchy with no depth at all! And this is the greatest weakness of the movie.

The striking and the brightest moments are largely towards the end – the showdown between the father and son – between the patriarchal commander and his family, between the tyrant and his wife – the second half is when you can feel a faint tug at your heart (even though Rishi Kapoor steals the show from Akshay).

As for the inspirational angle to the movie – the one about pursuing your dreams no matter what - it is lost in the big fat Punjabi wedding, complete with 1576 (if I remember the number correctly) guests, half of whom are the family members, that forms the backdrop to the unfolding of the story.

The verdict – Not worth your time and money unless you are a die-hard Akki fan. Try catching it on DVD if you will, and put the Fast Forward button to judicious use.

(Image source: Google Images)