Home...

In a parallel universe, today I would be at "home" with my parents in Delhi...Thanks to the global pandemic I am here thousands of miles away reminiscing about where home is. Home is where the heart is, they say. But what happens when your heart is split - it's pieces claimed by more than one person, more than one location...you end up having "homes".

Till we had Manya I think my idea of home was very singular. Vish and I moved around so much together that home for me was where my parents are. Young and footloose, we were so caught up in the idea of exploring the world, that we bounced from destination to destination rather than finding our forever nesting grounds.
(Well forever is a mirage, I have learnt, and I think I may have given up the pursuit of such fleeting illusions - perks of growing old)

Like most children do for their parents, I guess, M brought with her ties and knots that made us a family. She had us hook, line, and sinker. We made a home together. Suddenly home wasn't only the home that I grew up in but also the home my child was flourishing in with meaningful memories etched on walls forever. The realization of the responsibility of being the forever home for your kid like your parents are for you is very humbling and extremely daunting.

The joy and richness of more than one warm, comforting haven is often rivaled by an equally measurable ache that the distance from loved ones brings.

Living far away from my parents and brother; knowing that my daughter will in the years to come have to make decisions of her own...I allow myself to wallow in self pity - my heart is never going to be one whole again. 

In the Emerald City...

...not of Oz but the shining gem of the Pacific Northwest - Seattle. So we moved up north from Portland - more than two and a half years ago! What do they say about better late than never?

Well for one, I am getting too old for packing things up and setting up home again. The kid though has been a champ with the big move.

Life has been humming by fairly steadily - we found a home to call ours, a nice neighborhood, a great community, a wonderful city, an awesome school, lovely friends, favorite hangouts .... basically the village is being formed. 

I love the overcast weather - have never been a sun person - its cold and damp 8-9 months atleast and I don't complain. M could take some more dry spells because rain often interferes with plans in the great outdoors. However our tolerance for other weathers is decreasing. If it's 55F and sunny, M declares it a hot, sunny day and strips down to shorts and will eat only watermelon and icecream. I lose patience if it crosses 74F. Vish wears hoodies till its 76F and then complains at 77F that it has become too warm! So go figure!

Seattle is beautiful, green - no dearth of places to visit or hikes to do. It's avant-garde - arts, foods - it has something for everyone. We do miss the exclusivity and the "smallness" of Portland as tens of miles mean nothing in this giant city with a huge suburbia but you do best with what you get. M often syas I do not want to move to anywhere - I just smile - it's forever till today. Tomorrow guarantees nothing.

(And now with no posts for 3+ years and two in a single day, I might have jinxed my come back. Still looking for my muse, for inspiration to strike...)

Passing thoughts...

It has been more than three years that I have posted on this blog (I still continue to post in fits and starts on my mommy blog) - A lot has happened since then or not, maybe, who knows. Has it taken a global pandemic to make me cawl back into what used to be may favorite place on the world wide web? Not sure. In one moment, I feel I have so much to write about and in another I am blank. I second guess my opinions. Some days I am not sure how I feel about anything and everything. Have I become a fence sitter too long? It is a comfortable position but not very rewarding. Over the years, I feel my leanings and affliations have become theoretical - they inhabit the space between far left and far right, a little bit of this and that -  When I see the people around me I seem to have known for ever, I see them taking stand, gravitating towards firm, almost rigid, views on a particular side - while I swim in the murky grey waters where I don't have much company.

Increasingly, I get this feeling that the world and the people are getting polarized - not many want to trudge the middle ground any more. If you don't take a "stand", your view is considered pointless or just not interesting enough. There is growing absolutism in faith, belief, the sides we take. We no longer want to talk about the pros and cons of the two sides - any attempt at the same is promptly dismissed as appeasement and even libtardism. Absolutist discourses make me uneasy and uncomfortable.

As I often find myself pondering over this shift in attitudes and behaviors I wonder is it because moderation is not cutting it anymore? Making allowances for everybody's failures and everybody's wins is no longer cool because is it no longer working for the civilization - Is the need for "radical" change driving this wave of 'my way or the highway' sentiment. I am not naive enough to not understand that activism needs more substance that theoretical ruminations...  Maybe revolutions cannot be brought over by empathy for all involved.