My innocence is white as the pristine veil of the bride
Thursday, February 4, 2021
Monday, September 28, 2020
Turning everything a brilliant hue of golden;
Crimson and fuchshia dance around in the sky -
A riot of colors in the vast expanse up high.
As the embers begin to die down
At the extreme edge of the horizon,
Nostalgia and melancholy intermingle and I sigh.
Moments sometimes linger but years sure do fly -
Like sand thru the fingers, everything does slip by.
As twlight engulfs the whole world in its fold,
I worry the night creeps slowly yet steadily into my soul...
Wednesday, September 9, 2020
Dear Tommy (waiting for you to claim yourself as The Lord of the Rings),
What ofcourse makes your gift so very special is that I don't know you - absolutely no clue as to why a complete stranger would be so benevolent. I have to just presume you know me and are very fond of me - how you got my address and full name is a mystery that shall baffle me forever. The fostering of this relationship of wonder between you and me has an endearing romance to it, don't you think so? My daughter does. She exclaimed, "Mom, you have a secret lover!" with such joy and enthusiasm that I almost forgot I was turning 37 and not 17.
Her dad, who like I said before can be a bit of a kill joy, jumped to the conclusion that this was some sort of a scam. Now what kind of a scam is this where I get things and not lose my money, I naively tell him. He's exasperated. While I allow myself to indulge in fascination and the charm of an elusive puzzle, my daughter joins him in conspiracy theories ranging from a smitten unknown trying to woo me - to - maybe the ring being laced with poison from a long forgotten enemy - to corona virus packaged in. (It is 2020 afterall - anything is possible!)
Why was I chosen? Can such questions really not be answered? So finally I searched your address and name on the big wide web out there - and when I saw the results, I felt cheated, almost like a jilted lover. You did not choose me for any merit, power, wisdom or eternal love. You have been sending out rings to quite a few people. That's not romantic at all, Tommy! Simply not done! Why would you do that? Even if you doubted I'd reciprocate your grand gesture or not, you should have atleast waited - clearly I was not even number 1 on your priority list. That knowledge did wither my otherwise blooming heart alive with all the prospects that could be, but alas. I don't know why you sent the ring, what you hoped to achieve but now your ring lies spurned in one corner - very close to the trash can - not sure what's stopping me from tossing it in - maybe I am still deciding what bin it should go into - trash, compost or recycle.
(P.S. One deep corner of my heart does admire you though for your commitment irrespective of what the others might think of your present - unrequited love or rather in your case no need for any response from the other end - it does have a glamorous allure to it - pining away for nothing - oh tell me you have weeping willows in your yard or atleast an arm of wisteria under which you sit and decide who to send such tokens to.)
And hey, I would never judge a gift or the giver usually but here I am obliged to give you honest feedback - that ring didn't even fit me - it was much to big; the pattern was not elegant enough; the packaging leaves much to be desired - and how do I believe you it is real! Next time, do send in an order form at the same address before dispatching jewellery so that I am not disappointed. As for you sending presents to multiple recipients, that is your prerogative, I have come to understand - you must have a large heart.
Anyways, thank you for introducing some excitment in my life even if just for a few moments. Days can get dull and monotonous and while you may or may not be The Lord of the Rings (can you bend the ring with your will?), I was reminded of these lines:
"Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men, doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordo where the Shadows lie.
One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,
One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie."
- J.R.R. Tolkien
Never yours, but still with some warmth,
Monday, August 10, 2020
Walk with me..
Even though you kick hard
for someone so tiny.
Can't wait for you to see these sights
When you are out of my belly.
Walk with me...
Your curious eyes absorbing
Everything they can see.
Not too happy constrained in a stroller,
You'll soon be on your own two feet.
Walk with me...
My heart melts eveytime
Your little finger wraps around mine
Uncertain steps but a strong will
There are places you simply must be.
Walk with me...
But I know you'd rather prefer
To run a mile ahead of me.
The first realizations that I cannot hold you forever,
Begin to dawn on me.
Walk with me...
You stride so beautifully;
I can't take my eyes off you.
We match our steps and our enthusiasm -
New adventures await you and me.
Walk with me...
I think I get tired more often now;
I sometimes struggle to keep pace.
But I promise I do try, and the world
Is such a wonderful place for you and me.
Walk with me...
I need your hand
The hills seem steeper than before
Leap forward, race ahead, my dear
But promise to keep checking in for me.
Walk with me...
Distances and spaces separate us,
But our love mends them all.
Carry me in your heart my little one -
It's you who breathes life into me.
Wednesday, July 1, 2020
Drenched in the ecstasy of youth
Those innocent carefree caresses
Soaked tresses and glistening faces
Shivering in the aftermath
The sultry humidity helping little
But assuring comforting warmth and cheer
Far cry from this icy chill that envelopes now
Do you reminisce those moments too?
Can you count the knots in your heart when you do?
Don't the miles we have travelled since bother you?
Can you feel the falling drops missing you?
When the sun in shining bright and happy
I don't expect you to remember
But it must still rain in your city...
How do you keep from thinking about me then?
Saturday, June 20, 2020
Till we had Manya I think my idea of home was very singular. Vish and I moved around so much together that home for me was where my parents are. Young and footloose, we were so caught up in the idea of exploring the world, that we bounced from destination to destination rather than finding our forever nesting grounds.
(Well forever is a mirage, I have learnt, and I think I may have given up the pursuit of such fleeting illusions - perks of growing old)
Like most children do for their parents, I guess, M brought with her ties and knots that made us a family. She had us hook, line, and sinker. We made a home together. Suddenly home wasn't only the home that I grew up in but also the home my child was flourishing in with meaningful memories etched on walls forever. The realization of the responsibility of being the forever home for your kid like your parents are for you is very humbling and extremely daunting.
The joy and richness of more than one warm, comforting haven is often rivaled by an equally measurable ache that the distance from loved ones brings.
Living far away from my parents and brother; knowing that my daughter will in the years to come have to make decisions of her own...I allow myself to wallow in self pity - my heart is never going to be one whole again.
Thursday, June 11, 2020
Increasingly, I get this feeling that the world and the people are getting polarized - not many want to trudge the middle ground any more. If you don't take a "stand", your view is considered pointless or just not interesting enough. There is growing absolutism in faith, belief, the sides we take. We no longer want to talk about the pros and cons of the two sides - any attempt at the same is promptly dismissed as appeasement and even libtardism. Absolutist discourses make me uneasy and uncomfortable.
As I often find myself pondering over this shift in attitudes and behaviors I wonder is it because moderation is not cutting it anymore? Making allowances for everybody's failures and everybody's wins is no longer cool because is it no longer working for the civilization - Is the need for "radical" change driving this wave of 'my way or the highway' sentiment. I am not naive enough to not understand that activism needs more substance that theoretical ruminations... Maybe revolutions cannot be brought over by empathy for all involved.
Wednesday, March 1, 2017
Honeymoon period (first 1-2 years)
5-7 Year Milestone
10 Year Milestone
|1. His Memory|
10/10 - remembers first meeting, what you wore on the first date, date and time when he proposed, date and time when you sad yes etc etc.
8/10 - The wedding ritual itself seems to damage the part of the brain that stores dates and events for most men. However, with some hinting, they do remember at this stage and will also work towards making it up to you.
4.5/10 - There’s a complete loss of memory from the Pre wedding era. That they are alive is only because birthday and wedding anniversary dates are not forgotten.
Never mind the score - you announce the celebratory event date and time weeks in advance, plan the details, and set up calendar invites so there are no “surprises”.
2. His presents
Not just physical expressions of love but long letters, love ballads, musical compositions and what not
Surprise presents sill happen every once in a while, there are surprise trips too - celebrations are mostly lavish.
“What presents do you need? Am I not your greatest gift? You have everything,it is very difficult to buy anything for you.”
She finally takes charge - spends time researching her own perfect gift and then buys it on his behalf. No disappointments on either side.
3. Text messages
I love you.
I Love you too.
She: Why don’t we text each other like we used to?
He: What do you mean?
Is there tylenol at home? I have a massive headache.
4. Random phone calls
1152 times a day
I was missing you / your voice. Blah blah.
2-3 times a day
Now we stay together right, what’s the point of calls!
Why did you call?
Just like that.
Arre, didn’t we just meet in the morning, and will meet again in the evening.
If something comes up and is really important, text me.
5. Good mornings
Early morning calls - yours is the first voice I want to hear when I get up.
Good morning love, how nice to see your face the first thing every morning.
Why do you put an alarm when you don’t want to get up - it always disturbs my sleep.
It’s your turn to wake up early with the little one - get out of bed, now.
6. Dreamy nights
Long never ending phone call till one literally falls asleep.
I don’t understand how a person can take over the entire bed while sleeping - I have been suffering now for so many years.
Did you lock the front door?
But you came in after me?
But I asked you to check?
Did you atleast switch off all the lights?
Why is there only one responsible person in this house?
7. His compliments
You are the most beautiful - your hair, your eyes, your face, your cheeks, your lips, your hips, the feet everything!
You are so beautiful.
She:How am I looking today?
He: As always.
She: And how do I look “always”
She: How am I looking today?
He: Awesome (has not bothered to so much as even glance in your direction)
8. His observations on her cooking
She: I can’t cook.
He: Who needs food, we will live on love.
She makes half-cooked half-burnt food.
He: this is the yummiest food I have ever had
She has graduated to a reasonably decent cook.
He; I don’t like how you make aloo gobhi (a medley of potatoes and cauliflower). I don’t like baingan (egg plant).
She is a confident cook now - and she no longer needs his opinion. He has two choices eat it or leave it. He doesn’t complain anymore.
9. His shopping behaviour
Oh those trips to the mall hand in hand.
I’ll buy what you like and you buy what I like.
Why do you take so long shopping? Why do you shop so much?
He: Bye, have fun shopping. I will stay at home - can you please get a couple of Ts and shorts for me too. And I am out of perfume. If you see a good wallet and a belt - but only if you come across a decent shirt….
10. Expression of love
I love you 1241 times a day
5-10 times a day
Occasionally - on special events
I don’t understand why anyone would say I love you.If you truly mean it, it will show, you don’t have to say it.Ofcourse I love you, that’s why we are together even after all these years. That is so naive.