A decade of marital...

umm, marital  bliss. (sorry, too rosy)...marital discord. (no, too negative)... marital cord. (seems too forced)... marital...eff it. There's no perfect way of putting this - a decade of marriage. Yes, so, this past week, Vish and I celebrated 10 years of being institutionalized in the socially enforced and culturally mandated, in our case, also self inflicted, paradigm of matrimony.

Once your wedding anniversary cake needs two candles, you know your relationship has evolved to a more-or-less stable plateau. The peaks and the troughs have mellowed to a more balanced cardiogram - this evolution is not easy though. So, ladies and gentlemen after five lessons of marriage and the seven secrets of a happily-ever after, presenting to you 10 different way your relationship evolves once you tie "the' knot. If you nod your head in agreement, do share the love and if you don't I'd really want to hear from you!

Here goes...(Needless to mention it is from the wife's perspective, which also happens to be the right perspective)

	Dating period	Honeymoon period (first 1-2 years)	5-7 Year Milestone	10 Year Milestone
1. His Memory	10/10 - remembers first meeting, what you wore on the first date, date and time when he proposed, date and time when you sad yes etc etc.	8/10 - The wedding ritual itself seems to damage the part of the brain that stores dates and events for most men. However, with some hinting, they do remember at this stage and will also work towards making it up to you.	4.5/10 - There’s a complete loss of memory from the Pre wedding era. That they are alive is only because birthday and wedding anniversary dates are not forgotten.	Never mind the score - you announce the celebratory event date and time weeks in advance, plan the details, and set up calendar invites so there are no “surprises”.
2. His presents	Not just physical expressions of love but long letters, love ballads, musical compositions and what not	Surprise presents sill happen every once in a while, there are surprise trips too - celebrations are mostly lavish.	“What presents do you need? Am I not your greatest gift? You have everything,it is very difficult to buy anything for you.”	She finally takes charge - spends time researching her own perfect gift and then buys it on his behalf. No disappointments on either side.
3. Text messages	I love you.	I Love you too.	She: Why don’t we text each other like we used to? He: What do you mean?	Is there tylenol at home? I have a massive headache.
4. Random phone calls	1152 times a day I was missing you / your voice. Blah blah.	2-3 times a day Now we stay together right, what’s the point of calls!	Why did you call? Just like that. Arre, didn’t we just meet in the morning, and will meet again in the evening.	If something comes up and is really important, text me.
5. Good mornings	Early morning calls - yours is the first voice I want to hear when I get up.	Good morning love, how nice to see your face the first thing every morning.	Why do you put an alarm when you don’t want to get up - it always disturbs my sleep.	It’s your turn to wake up early with the little one - get out of bed, now.
6. Dreamy nights	Long never ending phone call till one literally falls asleep.	Oh love!	I don’t understand how a person can take over the entire bed while sleeping - I have been suffering now for so many years.	Did you lock the front door? But you came in after me? But I asked you to check? Did you atleast switch off all the lights? Why is there only one responsible person in this house?
7. His compliments	You are the most beautiful - your hair, your eyes, your face, your cheeks, your lips, your hips, the feet everything!	You are so beautiful.	She:How am I looking today? He: As always. She: And how do I look “always” He: Usual She: ?? He: Great	She: How am I looking today? He: Awesome (has not bothered to so much as even glance in your direction)
8. His observations on her cooking	She: I can’t cook. He: Who needs food, we will live on love.	She makes half-cooked half-burnt food. He: this is the yummiest food I have ever had	She has graduated to a reasonably decent cook. He; I don’t like how you make aloo gobhi (a medley of potatoes and cauliflower). I don’t like baingan (egg plant).	She is a confident cook now - and she no longer needs his opinion. He has two choices eat it or leave it. He doesn’t complain anymore.
9. His shopping behaviour	Oh those trips to the mall hand in hand.	I’ll buy what you like and you buy what I like.	Why do you take so long shopping? Why do you shop so much?	He: Bye, have fun shopping. I will stay at home - can you please get a couple of Ts and shorts for me too. And I am out of perfume. If you see a good wallet and a belt - but only if you come across a decent shirt….
10. Expression of love	I love you 1241 times a day	5-10 times a day	Occasionally - on special events	I don’t understand why anyone would say I love you.If you truly mean it, it will show, you don’t have to say it.Ofcourse I love you, that’s why we are together even after all these years. That is so naive. Uh oh.

So which stage of evolution are you in?

A decadent and sinful celebration!

Vish and I clocked 8 years together as a married couple, and with a toddler on a week day, this was pretty much the highlight of our day (after a satiating meal of home made pasta and bruschetta - yes, you see I am finding my way back to the kitchen :p)!

This is an Irish car bomb cake - A chocolate Guinness cake with a subtle flavor of Irish whiskey. The frosting is whipped cream cheese with a hint of whiskey for the layers and Baileys for the top. Here's the recipe I followed. And if you are not drooling already, here's the picture of the show stopper of the evening.

7

I, oops, we have been married seven years now. The regular readers of this blog may recall the High Five post I did on our fifth anniversary. Here's another one dedicated to this great milestone :D :P.

So, here's presenting the 7 secrets of a long and happy married life:

Secret No. 1

There are 7 notes in music but the combinations of these are gazillion and it is not necessary that a married couple enjoys all these equally. A separate iPod with separate music libraries, and a pair of decent noise reduction headphones for each is a must to enjoy the music of married life.

Secret No. 2 

7 is the neutral pH value between acidity and alkalinity. It is also indicative of the balance a marriage must have. If you are arguing to no end at a point of time, your spouse must back off. There's no point both messing with chemistry at the same time. (P.S. If you are a man, and reading this, you must always back off.)

Secret No. 3

There are 7 deadly sins: lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, and pride. It doesn't matter which one you or your spouse is committing (ofcourse while being reasonable, you know) - all are pardonable as long as there is food on the table, money in the bank, and icecream in the freezer. 

Secret No. 4

There are 7 days in a week. That is a little too much time to spend with each other because (a) Familiarity breeds contempt, and (b) You need a life of your own. A little time each day and a little day or two each week is a great way to make it last :D.

Secret No. 5

Interestingly, in NBA, 7 is the maximum number of games in a playoff series. What is even more interesting that is that after you both make the decision of getting married and then get married, you will realize that is the last decision you could both agree upon. After that, it is a series of playoffs! Don't forget that even the greatest rivals shake hands before and after every game.

Secret No. 6

There are 7 continents and 7 seas and that's for a reason. There's enough place to run to when you want to take a break. Take time out to travel and be on your own every once in a while - If it doesn't make you miss your significant other or realize his/her value, you would have atleast seen a new place :D :P.

Secret No. 7

The rainbow has 7 colors and just like without even on of them, it wouldn't be complete - your spouse would not be the person he or she is without his or her good and highly annoying habits. So be a saint (coincidentally, there are believed to be 7 saints in Hindu mythology (Saptarishi) and in some other religions too!) and forgive (But, don't forget - you could always use an ace up your sleeves at a later fight :D :P).

So, my much married friends, over to you - care to add to the list?

(By the way, there are umpteen sexist and non-sexist jokes on marriage online most of them are funny - those that talk about separate date nights and beds and continents etc. but my favorite happens to be this one:
An old woman married was sipping wine on her 40th wedding anniversary and exclaimed, "Oh, dear, what would I have done without you all these years."
Her husband asked, "Is that you talking or the wine?"
She replied, "That's me talking to the wine." 

HA HA HA - Sorry, couldn't resist sharing this one - really over to you now!)

High Five!

So, Vish and I have now been married for 5 years - That's half a decade! Yep, it's still sinking in... 

How has it been? 

Normal, I guess. We have shared love, we have had moments when we wondered why the hell did we marry, we have fought battles, and then made up too ... and so we have lasted. :P

Now, I have let this great achievement get a little into my head and so, however unsolicited it may be, here's some invaluable and very practical marriage advice for all of you. I am sticking to just five key lessons here (High Five and all, you know...), please feel free to contact me for more.

STATUTORY WARNING: AS WILL BE OBVIOUS, THESE LESSONS HAVE BEEN WRITTEN FROM THE FEMALE POINT OF VIEW, BECAUSE AS YOU WILL LEARN OR MAY HAVE ALREADY LEARNED, THAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT POINT OF VIEW.

• First, and foremost, the wife is always right. ALWAYS. Be it her opinion on your wardrobe, your dining etiquette, your behavior with her friends, your job, your friend circle, your family (however touchy that may sound), everything. She is right. If ever you feel that she is in the wrong, please refer to the previous statement.

• The wife should never over analyze her husband's change in mood swings. Men are thick-skinned, simple creatures. Their pissed off demeanor has nothing to do with the caustic remark you made, or the stinky message you sent, or some comment your mom, dad or best friend made. There is no deep rooted anxiety of the future or current existential crisis. Men cannot and do not think or emotionally process so much data. And no, they are not cheating on you. 99.99% of the times, you can safely bet your life that either they are hungry (and I mean for food :D) or their favorite sports team lost some tournament. Dish up their favorite cuisine, feign some sympathy for the worthless match, and life is hunky dory again!

• To the husbands: Let me break it to you - your wife does NOT have psychic powers. We, wives, cannot fathom how much you love us if you forget the date we first met or the day you proposed; we absolutely fail to understand that you appreciate our labor in the kitchen and laundry, if you don't even offer to help every  now and then; and we do not get how special we mean to you till you provide some tangible evidence (in the form of flowers, candle-lit dinners, gifts, and other 'precious nothings'). If you feel it, SHOW it.

• Now, even though men have read this atleast a thousand times - forwards, FB jokes and what not, yet they do not seem to take this seriously. This is no laughing matter. Let me REiterate, two very important facts. 1. When you ask us if something is wrong, and we say NOTHING - it means EVERYTHING about you is wrong, and if you don't make serious amends, you are in for serious trouble. 2. If at the end of your justification, clarification, or your side of the argument, we say WHATEVER - it does not mean everything is fine and we are back to hugging and making up - it means whatever you stated was absolute bulls***, and since you exercised your freedom of expression, and not the right to remain silent, you are doomed even more.

• Last, but not the least, no wife becomes fat, puts on weight, grows old or looks ugly. Here is a cheat code for you husbands, who just don't give the right answers ('I don't know' is also a wrong answer):

Q: Have I put on weight recently?

A (very emphatically): Ofcourse not. You look gorgeous as always. Infact, I am a little scared of your eating habits - you need to eat well.

(Note: You cannot say I like your curves, I like you plump etc etc. That is suicide!)

Q: Do I look fatter than Kareena Kapoor/Katrina Kaif/Angelina Jolie/Jennifer Anniston etc. etc.

A (with genuine honesty in your tone): Who? I haven't even noticed them! Aren't they all old and freckled now. With all that make up and the right camera angles, they look forgettable, imagine their true selves.

Q: Don't I look old now, considering when we first started dating. Is my skin sagging; do I already have crow feet; do you still feel the same about me, about us?

A (looking deep into her eyes): I can't make out an iota of difference from when I first saw you. You have the same vibrance and glow. I think you are ageless.

See, how simple it is! Honesty and straight forward approach - the two golden compasses of a happily ever after!

This day...that year

Yes, it has been two years since we tied the knot. It's been a roller coaster really. Many of my friends comment that I am now "well married"; I wonder what they mean but somehow I still feel I am not "married enough" :).

It would take me an eternity to recap these two years that just flew by. The memories of February 19 2007 are so vivid in my mind. The whole wedding paraphernalia, the grandeur of the day, the intermingling of the joy of anticipation of a brand new phase and the sorrow of physically moving away from the family that is at the core of my being. Gosh, the big fat Indian wedding is no trivial task. It requires solid stamina, emotional support, meticulous planning and most importantly immense patience (the constant flow of curious relatives and friends, and what not).

Life's moved on, smooth sails and rough ones too, high tides and low tides but then life is always what you make it!