Dear Tommy (waiting for you to claim yourself as The Lord of the Rings),
What ofcourse makes your gift so very special is that I don't know you - absolutely no clue as to why a complete stranger would be so benevolent. I have to just presume you know me and are very fond of me - how you got my address and full name is a mystery that shall baffle me forever. The fostering of this relationship of wonder between you and me has an endearing romance to it, don't you think so? My daughter does. She exclaimed, "Mom, you have a secret lover!" with such joy and enthusiasm that I almost forgot I was turning 37 and not 17.
Her dad, who like I said before can be a bit of a kill joy, jumped to the conclusion that this was some sort of a scam. Now what kind of a scam is this where I get things and not lose my money, I naively tell him. He's exasperated. While I allow myself to indulge in fascination and the charm of an elusive puzzle, my daughter joins him in conspiracy theories ranging from a smitten unknown trying to woo me - to - maybe the ring being laced with poison from a long forgotten enemy - to corona virus packaged in. (It is 2020 afterall - anything is possible!)
Why was I chosen? Can such questions really not be answered? So finally I searched your address and name on the big wide web out there - and when I saw the results, I felt cheated, almost like a jilted lover. You did not choose me for any merit, power, wisdom or eternal love. You have been sending out rings to quite a few people. That's not romantic at all, Tommy! Simply not done! Why would you do that? Even if you doubted I'd reciprocate your grand gesture or not, you should have atleast waited - clearly I was not even number 1 on your priority list. That knowledge did wither my otherwise blooming heart alive with all the prospects that could be, but alas. I don't know why you sent the ring, what you hoped to achieve but now your ring lies spurned in one corner - very close to the trash can - not sure what's stopping me from tossing it in - maybe I am still deciding what bin it should go into - trash, compost or recycle.
(P.S. One deep corner of my heart does admire you though for your commitment irrespective of what the others might think of your present - unrequited love or rather in your case no need for any response from the other end - it does have a glamorous allure to it - pining away for nothing - oh tell me you have weeping willows in your yard or atleast an arm of wisteria under which you sit and decide who to send such tokens to.)
And hey, I would never judge a gift or the giver usually but here I am obliged to give you honest feedback - that ring didn't even fit me - it was much to big; the pattern was not elegant enough; the packaging leaves much to be desired - and how do I believe you it is real! Next time, do send in an order form at the same address before dispatching jewellery so that I am not disappointed. As for you sending presents to multiple recipients, that is your prerogative, I have come to understand - you must have a large heart.
Anyways, thank you for introducing some excitment in my life even if just for a few moments. Days can get dull and monotonous and while you may or may not be The Lord of the Rings (can you bend the ring with your will?), I was reminded of these lines:
"Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men, doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordo where the Shadows lie.
One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,
One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie."
- J.R.R. Tolkien
Never yours, but still with some warmth,