This is 40.

Four decades of hearts and spades -

The heat of summer slowly fades…

From not caring what the world thinks,

To discovering it doesn’t care to think.

Grey hair, crow feet, and wrinkles -

Merrily coexisting with still surfacing pimples.

Stuck between saving for the future,

And realizing “you live life only once”!

The bartender no longer asks for my ID,

And neck tightening cream ads crowd the feed on FB (seriously, wtf!)

People around me keep getting younger…the teacher, the police officer…

Can’t keep my new ob/gyn - ffs, the doctor needs to be older!

20 years ago is no longer in the 90s

George Clooney and Hugh Grant are in their 60s!

New words sneak into my vocabulary -

Retinoid, collagen and apparently the need for vitamin c?

Trying to hold a plank and committing to regular stretching,

While snapping some unknown muscle doing nothing .

The self righteous follies of younger days

Have moved over for calmer acceptance of others’ ways..

While my jokes continue to be incorrect, politically,

In my heart I surely am less judgmental.

Also, the way it goes, Age is just a number…

But pls somebody wake my metabolism up from its slumber!

Life begins at 40, they say

9 pm is when I am done with the day.

Quadragenarian is the word. fellow millennials!

40 is the new 20 they advertise,

40 is the new 40, I summarize.

All reactions:

38Nithya Iyer, Aparna Bhaduri and 36 others

To The Lord of the Rings (or not)...

Dear Tommy (waiting for you to claim yourself as The Lord of the Rings),

Thank you for the beautiful gold ring (that you claim in the accompanying tag as pure and of a considerable gram value) that you sent. It came well in time for my birthday. I was delighted - not my husband though. But you never mind him, he has never been fond of competition. 

What ofcourse makes your gift so very special is that I don't know you - absolutely no clue as to why a complete stranger would be so benevolent. I have to just presume you know me and are very fond of me - how you got my address and full name is a mystery that shall baffle me forever. The fostering of this relationship of wonder between you and me has an endearing romance to it, don't you think so? My daughter does. She exclaimed, "Mom, you have a secret lover!" with such joy and enthusiasm that I almost forgot I was turning 37 and not 17. 

Her dad, who like I said before can be a bit of a kill joy, jumped to the conclusion that this was some sort of a scam. Now what kind of a scam is this where I get things and not lose my money, I naively tell him. He's exasperated. While I allow myself to indulge in fascination and the charm of an elusive puzzle, my daughter joins him in conspiracy theories ranging from a smitten unknown trying to woo me - to - maybe the ring being laced with poison from a long forgotten enemy - to corona virus packaged in. (It is 2020 afterall - anything is possible!)

Why was I chosen? Can such questions really not be answered? So finally I searched your address and name on the big wide web out there - and when I saw the results, I felt cheated, almost like a jilted lover. You did not choose me for any merit, power, wisdom or eternal love. You have been sending out rings to quite a few people. That's not romantic at all, Tommy! Simply not done! Why would you do that? Even if you doubted I'd reciprocate your grand gesture or not, you should have atleast waited - clearly I was not even number 1 on your priority list. That knowledge did wither my otherwise blooming heart alive with all the prospects that could be, but alas. I don't know why you sent the ring, what you hoped to achieve but now your ring lies spurned in one corner - very close to the trash can - not sure what's stopping me from tossing it in - maybe I am still deciding what bin it should go into - trash, compost or recycle. 

(P.S. One deep corner of my heart does admire you though for your commitment irrespective of what the others might think of your present - unrequited love or rather in your case no need for any response from the other end - it does have a glamorous allure to it - pining away for nothing - oh tell me you have weeping willows in your yard or atleast an arm of wisteria under which you sit and decide who to send such tokens to.)

And hey, I would never judge a gift or the giver usually but here I am obliged to give you honest feedback - that ring didn't even fit me - it was much to big; the pattern was not elegant enough; the packaging leaves much to be desired - and how do I believe you it is real! Next time, do send in an order form at the same address before dispatching jewellery so that I am not disappointed. As for you sending presents to multiple recipients, that is your prerogative, I have come to understand - you must have a large heart.

Anyways, thank you for introducing some excitment in my life even if just for a few moments. Days can get dull and monotonous and while you may or may not be The Lord of the Rings (can you bend the ring with your will?), I was reminded of these lines:

"Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,

Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,

Nine for Mortal Men, doomed to die,

One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne

In the Land of Mordo where the Shadows lie.

One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,

One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them

In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie."

- J.R.R. Tolkien

Never yours, but still with some warmth,

Yuvika

Tres Leches Cake!

Our little munchkin's first birthday just went by. And I have to boast about this right away. Yours truly baked the cake! I have this now new badge of great pride (:D) that the first cake my daughter ever had was baked by me. Aaah, motherhood does make me petty, huh?

Anyways, here's the cake I baked. It's a Tres leches (three milks cake). I picked up the recipe from the ever so dependable Martha Stewart. And I was not disappointed. This was my first attempt at the cake though I have had it from bakery stores. It happens to be one of my favorite ones, and guess what - Manya and Vish loved it too! If you love milky sweetness, this one's for you too!

You can hop onto my mommy blog for more details on the celebrations!

30 Lessons for 30 Years

Let's come straight to the point. I turned 30 last week.

Hawwwww. But, I did :(. THIRTY. I am officially old. Booohooo. Or wait, should I just take Frost at face value - "Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty."

Now, I could have done a post on why turning 30 sucks - but nobody would be interested in that. EVERYBODY knows turning 30 SUCKS! And I do have my reasons already listed out here. I could have done a feel good post, how I still feel only 18, but then that would be only trying too hard. I already bid adieu to my 20's here. 

So, I thought as I come to terms with the big number, why not list down the lessons I have learnt as I have grown up (though that itself is questionable) - some the hard way, and some a little more easily. (No surprises that there is one lesson for each year :D.)
P.S. Ofcourse these lessons are not all saintly - they are practical and meant for "normal" human beings. After all, not every monk wants to sell his Ferrari!

1. Age is nothing but a number. And, you can play with numbers. Subtract, divide, erase - do as you please.

2. Ditto as (1) above, weight is also nothing but a number. And, btw, the years of wisdom need some display area!

3. You will spend your teens and early 20s swearing that your parents "just don't get it". And a couple of years later, as if almost magically, appreciation and understanding for all that they did and didn't do, will magically descend on you. Suddenly, spending vacations and all your "free time" with parents will become the coolest thing ever! 

4. As the years pass, friends will become harder to come by. Your 4 am and anytime friends will continue to be your school or college pals.

5. All that hurry in high school years to try on the latest mascara, eyeliner, nail paint is needless. Make-up can wait. It will sooner than later even become a little necessary on certain occasions :D.

6. You get over school and college crushes sooner than you know - those helpless tears were indeed not worthily spent. And that was surely not heart break! The biggest proof of this will be as you will find yourself "liking" (very genuinely) each other's spouse's and baby's pics on FB ;).
[Afterthought: I think I am going to invite trouble on this one, but, like my 8 year old nephew says it, who cares!]

7. There's not much fun in watching a movie with your own money, with people the whole world knows you are with, and when you can check-in on Twitter and FB. Nothing beats the ecstasy of siphoning off money from mom, bunking a class and then tiptoeing into a movie hall with "questionable" company, while all the time keeping your fingers crossed that no family, teachers or neighbors spot you! 

8. All things sugar and sweet, however good, get boring. Spice is a necessity of life. All spice, without sugar? Not many would complain ;).

9. Tears is not a sign of weakness. Nor is being emotionless a sign of strength.

10. While having a Plan B is a great idea for continuity and sanity - the only problem is that most often than not those with a good Plan B often give up Plan A very easily.

11.  In our race to get everything done, we sometimes don't spend adequate time doing things that actually matter. It is good to always have priorities, and keep re-evaluating them. You cannot do everything all the time without being unfair to yourself.

12. Your most embarrassing moment is yet to come. Everything that happened till today is forgettable and forgivable.

13. When somebody asks for help, give all you've got. If you need help, take all they've got.

14. Everybody is innocent, till proven otherwise. Take your chances, make your own judgments, nurse your own hurts, create your own experiences.

15. Forget easily. Nobody and nothing is worth it.

16. Forgive at your own pace. You are worth a lot more.

17.  It is difficult to please everyone. Somebody is going to get offended, somebody is not going to like you and many will hate you. Too bad. Their loss. You need to keep true to yourself and love unconditionally the people that matter.

18. There's always another side, another perspective to the story. The picture is never complete. Allow for malleability in your thoughts, opinions and views. Rigidity is your greatest enemy.

19. Everything is prone to change: your feelings, your clothes, your relationships, your goals - adapt and go with the flow - keep your optimism intact.

20. It is okay to "not know". Nobody knows everything, and there's a reason why Google has such a powerful search engine.

21. Tomorrow never comes. NEVER. It mysteriously disappears on the day of its impending arrival. Don't plan anything for tomorrow.

22. Indulgences - every once in a while - as often as they make you feel good - are totally worth it.

23. If you want to buy a dress or a pair of jeans that you really really like. Buy it now. Don't wait to lose a size or two before buying - because, you know it's never going to happen. [Also, refer point 2 above.]

24. Water is the elixir of life (though, good wine might come a close second). Drink lots of it.

25. If someone happens to cross your mind, thoughts or dreams, reach out to them. No, it's not weird, it's not stalking, and it's surely not being desperate. It's called keeping in touch, and do it even if it has been years since you connected.

26. Day dreaming is the ultimate panacea for all ailments - a bad day, a sour mood - imagine your favorite place, your favorite person, imagine doing something scandalous, imagine living out your most romantic or adventurous novel or movie. It will all be okay, again.

27. Let everybody have a say. You don't have to agree with what they say, but defend their right to say it!

28. Eat dessert for breakfast, main course for lunch, and salad for dinner - The only way you can reasonably scrape through middle age without a humongous midriff and without any grave cravings left unfulfilled.

29. One great plus of growing "older" is that you become more secure about your individuality. You can fearlessly claim that you love the latest tapori bollywood number, wear ill-fitting, out of fashion denims, refuse to go with the majority, without having to worry that somebody would be judging you. The need to explain yourself begins to disappear.

30. There's so much grief in the world, there are so many unfortunate people - your sorrows are trivial when you compare them to those that other people are suffering from - spare a thought for them, count your blessings, and thank someone up there (or someone you believe in) who has been taking fairly good care of you.

The last of the glorious 20s!

So this is it. There's no jackpot happening; nor is there a fortune awaiting to be accidentally chanced upon. Noble prize seems like an alternate reality, and being a prime minister/president doesn't figure on the horizon! 

Naah, not that I have really wanted any of the above...I mean I would like to believe if I really really wished for these, I would have tried working on it seriously, rather than make lazy wishes on an unmade bed! 

So, what is it? Well, I turned 29 this week, which basically leaves me with only one year before I hit the deadly, deadly number 30! I don't know if I feel older, but I have begun to wonder how long will the 18 till I die anthem offer consolation. Isn't there a magical optimism and effervescence, however misplaced it may seem, about being closer to 20 than 30! The paranoia starts right about when you turn 26 (read about my panic attack here), and only worsens as the candles on the cake increase. 

Trust me, I have already started reading through lists of things to do before you turn 30, and it's not helping! Most of them seem frivolous. Now, how does it matter if you have jumped off a plane or not?

As for the horror stories, 30s can't be all about expanding waistlines, receding hairlines, and budgets and bank balances, can they? Fortunately, I also hear assuring tales of more confident living and stable relationships. Sigh.

As to how my 30s will turn out, only time will tell (and there's not much left anyways before we find out - buaahhhhaaaa :( :(! I could have waited.

While I take my time to bid adieu to youth, as it were, and brace myself for true, true middle age, I would love to hear your take on the unseemly number, people call age!

[Image source: Google Images]

18 goin’ on 27 ;)

When I had first heard Bryan Adam’s rocking number - 18 Til I Die – more than a decade ago, I had little imagined that this song would become my anthem so many years later!

Crossing my silver jubilee last year had left me depressed enough to do a blog post citing 26 reasons why turning 26 sucks! You can read it here.

This year I feel slightly better - the impact of the shock that any number after 21 gives has not been so much. I think I have 3 more years to go before a full fledged paranoia envelopes my existence :D.

But then, on a more optimistic note, growing older doesn’t really meaning “growing up”! And I am sure the latter process is boring and painful.

So, while I try dealing with my quarter-life crisis, leaving you with this ageless song that has always been a great mood-lifter!!!

I wanna be young - the rest of my life

Never say no - try anything twice

Til' the angels come - and ask me to fly

Gonna be 18 'til I die - 18 'til I die

...

Don't wanna grow up - I don't see why

I couldn't care less if time flies by

...

Ya, it sure feels good to be alive

Someday I'll be 18 goin' on 55! - 18 'til I die...

(The embedded video below does not work - It will route you to the You Tube page that has this song)

P.S. Many people ask me why I am so comfortable broadcasting my age when most women would rather pass off as someone younger. My answer to them is one, stop generalizing us women :p and two, I might be scared of the clock ticking away but I am proud of all the years that have brought me so much joy and learning!