Needs

I met her on a sunny day;

Her hair had just begun to turn gray.

I asked her what she really wanted;

I was not prepared for what she asked:

"A single whiff of fresh air,

A moment without a care,

A smile that reaches the eyes,

A tear that springs in surprise,

A hand that I can reach out to,

A lap that I can bury into,

A memory of a beautiful time,

A promise of a loving rhyme."

Help - I would if I could;

But I couldn't, so I didn't.

Her needs were naive,

Yet, they managed to baffle life.

WTF Series: Episode 08: Cause of rapes - Chowmein and more!

Our honorable political leaders spread the light of knowledge on the stark reality of rapes in India.

Sube Singh Samain, Spokesperson of the Sarva Khap Panchayat (local village judiciary system):

"Boys and girls should be married by the time they turn 16, so that they do not stray... this will decrease the incidents of rape. As soon as the children attain puberty, it is natural for them to have sexual desires but when these are not fulfilled, they stray... so there should not be any minimum age limit for marriage”.

Om Prakash Chautala, Former Chief Minister of Haryana:

"We should learn from the past... specially in Mughal era, people used to marry their girls to save them from Mughal atrocities and currently a similar situation is arising in the state. I think that's the reason khap (panchayat/local village judiciary system) has taken such a decision and I support it."

Jitendar Chattar, Khap Panchayat Leader:

"To my understanding, consumption of fast food contributes to such incidents. Chowmein leads to hormonal imbalance evoking an urge to indulge in such acts."

Dharamvir Goyat, Congress Leader:

"90% women who are raped willingly accompany the men initially but are trapped in gang rapes later."

Sampat Singh, Former Minister and Congress MLA:

"Lack of intellectual growth is the reason behind rising crime against women. People might have prospered but have not become mature enough to understand their responsibilities towards society and in some cases towards their families even. Generally, families hardly monitor the activities of their children, especially the sons, who are later found to be involved in such acts."

Mamata Bannerjee, Chief Minister of West Bengal:

"Rape cases are on a rise in the country because men and women interact with each other more freely now. Earlier if men and women would hold hands, they would get caught by parents and reprimanded but now everything is so open. It`s like an open market with open options.”

So, my fellow women citizens of India, let's marry at 12, not eat 'chowmein' or any fast food, not talk to any member of the opposite sex, not go to school and become "forward"; let's also wear loose clothes that cover us from head to toe so that we don't entice poor men; And if you find all this tough, how about, let's not be born as women!

I really am speechless. Where are we headed and what are we going to do? The future seems as dark and dismal as the present if such be our "leaders".

Seriously, WTF.

Overheard (contd.)

Continuing from my post here...

So, if kiddie conversations seem cute and fun to us, what do adults talk about - loudly enough to be heard by innocent bystanders. Here are some conversations I have overheard...

A college going teen on her phone in a crowded public bus in Delhi ... (obviously to her boyfriend :))
"No, I can't say it. I am in a bus. No. There are so many people around. How can I? Okay, you say it. Why can't you say it? No, please. Try and understand naa......"
(This actually went on for 5 minutes and all the co passengers seemed either amused or irritated - I was both. I felt like telling her, just say it and get it over with - I can't bear more of this on this morning.)
..."Okay, don't get angry. I will say it later twice to make up. Okay, my stop is coming. Okay, you say. Okay, me too...he he he. bye!"
(Seriously, me too! What a relief!)

An Indian couple at the clothes section in Target...
Wife picks up a woolen skirt.
Husband: Yaar, why do you always pick up something that does not suit you. How will you wear this? You are so fat.
(The wife was on the bulkier side, but she couldn't pass off as "fat"!)
Wife: So what, everybody wears!
Husband: Yeah, but they looks good in it. You look horrible - like you are trying to be someone else.
(The poor wife places the skirt back and from what I could read of her expression, she was done with her shopping for the day. There's something very condescending about some infact many Indian husbands. They might have the most unflattering of paunches and double chins, but somehow they feel they have this right to comment on their wives' appearances and belittle her and discourage her from wearing different styles of clothing. I swear to god, if Vish hadn't pulled me away, I would have punched this guy on his face. He was so rude and condescending, I can't tell you!)

In the grocery aisle of Walmart, an American couple discussing what veggies to buy...
Wife: Should I pick up broccoli?
Husband: Naah, you don't make it very well.
Wife: What do you mean? Why don't you take a shot at it then?
Husband: No, what I meant was my mom makes this really amazing dish with broccoli.
Wife: Well, I can't be your mom. Though you are most welcome to go back to her lap!
(Me: :D :D kahaani ghar ghar ki, kahaani har ghar ki... - translated inadequately in English as "the story of every household")

And while, adult conversation in the public on politics, stocks, trade, sports are fairly common (and boring!) and extend to strangers, there are people who manage intimate discussions too...
This is a couple in the Delhi Metro...
Boy: So, is it a yes from you?
Girl: I am not sure.
Boy: What are you not sure about?
Girl: What if you don't love me, it's only infatuation.
Boy: No, I know it. This is love.
Girl: How can you be so sure. Have you been in love before?
Boy: No, And that is why I am so sure.
Girl: So you have felt infatuation before?
Boy: Yes, but it was not love. This is love.
Girl: Maybe this is just a stronger infatuation. And previously, when you were infatuated, didn't you think that was love too.
Boy: Maybe, but I soon realized it wasn't.
Girl: What if, now the realization comes a little later. Then what will you do?
Boy: I am sure this time.
Girl: So, actually what you are saying is I am not your first really?
Boy: You are my first love.
Girl: Or maybe first strong infatuation
Boy: I swear I am serious.
Girl: Even if it is love, you might fall out of love some day, then what?
...
...
...
(And the conversation went on. I had to get off at my stop, though I seriously considered hanging on to see where this ended...)

Hello October!

There's a cheerful nip in the air,

The sun's rays no longer glare;

The greens are bidding their loving adieus,

And the leaves turning into bright fiesty hues;

There is summer walking away,

And winter approaches the doorway;

Pumpkins or apples, ice creams or lattes, frappes or hot chai,

This is the time you can enjoy everything with a pie.

It's not hot, it's not cold, it's just right,

And that is October's delight!

Overheard!

I am not exactly your compulsive eavesdropper but there are times I just can't help listening in - either the conversation is way too interesting or the people too loud! 

Here are some interesting conversations I have had the "great fortune" of having heard and never have forgotten :D.

Let's start with the most recent one...

A group of 8-10 year olds playing near our patio:

White American boy 1: Girls are difficult to manage. They are rude. We won't play with them.

Black American boy 1: So you guys don't like girls?

All boys in unison: No, no, we like girls! 

White American boy 2: So, have you guys touched a girl.

Black American boy 2 is scandalized and cycles off!

Indian boy: No! I don't want to get girls pregnant!

Chinese girl (looks like I was not the only one eavesdropping): You boys are so dumb. Girls don't become pregnant by touching.

White American boy 2: Yes, and that makes me the only man among you all because I have touched a girl.

(Me: !!!)

Another one involving kids - this time two grade 6 girls...Overheard near my place in India...

Girl 1: What's your problem, why are you behaving like this?

Girl 2: You mind your own business. I don't want to play with you.

Girl 1: I think you have serious issues in life that you need to sort out!

(Me: Ouch!)

The last one with kids...And with that a mental note to myself: Never ever eavesdrop on children's conversations - respect their privacy plus whatever they have to say will scandalize you anyways! This one again in our neighborhood in India...A conversation between 6 year olds!

Girl 1: Do you like Boy 1?

Girl 2: Yes, he is like my boyfriend.

Girl 1: Oh, so will you marry him?

Girl 2: No! You can't marry your boyfriend. I will marry Boy 2. He is also nice.

(Me: And, how come we grown ups don't have such clarity in understanding of relationships :D)

I think I'll stop here. Maybe, I should do another post on the adults; though their conversations will be much less interesting. Let's see...

[Image source: Google Images]

What does religion mean to you?

I read and watch all this fanaticism, all this murderous outrage, people ready to die and kill - all in the name of religion; and I often wonder who are these people who get so deeply affected by what someone else has to comment about their religion. 

In today's growing cosmopolitan times, where you get to interact with so many people from different ethnic, racial, cultural and religious backgrounds who maybe your colleagues, neighbors, fellow travellers, classmates, how can such a vast majority of people not understand that irrespective of the religious, national, or whatever affiliation you may have there are good people and bad people everywhere. If one representative says or does something that hurts your sentiments, there is no point going out in arms against the entire community, killing so many innocents!

That is the big picture. Specifically, talking about religion, I personally find it very difficult to believe that someone can harbor so much hatred as to lash out at a religion in the most insensitive manner; I also find it equally difficult to believe that someone reacts to that hatred with equal animosity if not more. Who are these people? What does religion mean to them?

Honestly, speaking, I don't know if I am religious or not. Sure, I was born into a hindu family and celebrate the festivals, we have a temple at my parents' home that we used to pray at when we were told to. However,  we were not imparted any formal religious education. We were not told these are the strict confines of religion we must stay within or the rules we must adhere to. God and religion were mostly discussed in the context of being a good human being, being conscious of the right and the wrong, and doing the right. And that was how all the people and children around me were brought up!

In the recent years, religion has receded more in the background as far as my individual identity is concerned.  God is more a matter of personal faith...And I see that with most people in our generation. We all try to be the best we can, do the best we can, and we try to make a decent life; which brings me back to the recurrent question, so who are these violent religious people? What does religion mean to them? What does religion mean to you?

[Image source: Google Images]

Chatty Strangers

I have nearly come to the conclusion that there is something in the way I look (I don't necessarily mean that in a self-complementing manner) that compels complete strangers or people that I meet for the very first time to indulge in really long and really intimate conversations with me. Maybe I have "Come talk to me, I am dying to have a conversation" stuck on my forehead or something, else can there really be so many chat starved people out there!

Oh no, I don't mean the pervs though, not the 'let's do friendship', neither the 'let's meet up for coffee' kind of guys, and absolutely not the fellow 'desis' who approach you in grocery stores and malls to further 'business networking', which is an idiotic euphemism for finding Amway sales scapegoats!

I mean genuinely normal everyday people.

The auto guy in Chennai who constantly spoke about the Tamil Nadu political scene in tamil even though he knew very well I don't understand the language. I could only grab names from the conversation and  few English words thrown here and there, but his enthusiasm was so remarkable that I nodded my head to an hour long (Chennai traffic :() session in gibberish (that was all it was to me) rather than rudely tell him to shut up!

The absolutely annoying 'aunty' at Abu Dhabi airport who insisted on clinging onto me as we were travelling the same route. She kept on divulging horrifying family secrets. By the end of the 3 hour stopover, I knew the salaries of most of her family members. She even asked me to watch over her handbag (including wallet et al.) while she attended the call from nature. Do I look that trustworthy?

And this is not just a cultural thing - in case you thought only we, Indians, were prone to such chatter. The fatherly french co-passenger on the aisle seat next to me, turned around to me and said, "You know what, you can tell me when you want to go to the loo, I'll get up. It has been almost 5 hours and you haven't taken a break. You must, you know. It's not good; plus you'll get to stretch your legs." I was absolutely in shock. He would put my mom, who insists on regular bio breaks so vehemently, to shame. The thing is, I hate moving around in a flight. I love being cooped up to my window seat, snugged in a blanket with the TV on. But, just to humor the old gentleman I did get up twice after that! Phew! And as you can guess, this was not the only conversation we had Notes were exchanged on cultures, movies, family values and what not!

I could list a trillion such incidents, but will stop at the latest one. The trucker we had hired to move our car from AZ to VA ended up having a detailed conversation on the institution of marriage. He had been recently divorced and asked me if I was married and if I was facing any troubles, or so far it was going the "for forever" way. I told him it looked alright for the time being (not a good day to ask when Vish had conveniently offloaded the car and the house movers' responsibility to me :D). He was like, "Next time, I marry, I don't care how the girl is; but it will be for "forever". In a marriage, it's always the guy's fault. Women do so much - they are not appreciated. Come what may, if a marriage is screwed, it is the guy to be blamed." What pearls of wisdom, I felt like telling him to wait till my hubby came home, so that he could further elaborate on his theory :P.

So, do I enjoy such conversations? Mostly not, even though I myself am the chatty kinds. But with absolute strangers, no, not really. My mom tells me that as a kid, I used to call out to random strangers from my balcony where I was perched up in the morning whilst my mom and dad got ready for work, and do a lot of talking. Infact, when I fell sick and was not around for 2-3 days, she had a string of "random" visitors, ringing the doorbell and inquiring after me. Payback time now, huh? 

You know the kind of chatty "meeting for the first time" people I like the most - doctors! I like my doctors to be talkative and have been fortunate enough to have such kind for most of my visits all these years. There has to be an exception though. At my in-laws place at Chennai, there was this 'kind of family' doctor (general physician) who you go to for general stuff - colds, fever, aches etc. He just wouldn't talk. Here's our visit: 

Me: Hello Doctor.

Doc: (Takes out his notepad) Name (Forget greeting, he didn't even smile!)?

Me: Yuvika, full name: Yuvika Chaube

Doc: Age?

Me: 27

Doc: Problem? (The dude wouldn't talk in complete sentences)

Me: I got up with a sore throat, have a lot of pain swallowing. Can hardly talk. I think it started last night. I haven't had anything cold though. I think I am slightly feverish.

Doc: Open your mouth. (He flashes the torch around and starts writing a prescription)

(I thought he'd eventually talk, but no, he hands over the prescription to me.)

Me: (Undeterred) So what's happened, is it an infection?

Doc: Yes, take these medicines

Me: What about any precautions? Why do you think it happened? Do you think it's some water borne infection.

Doc: It can be anything, it will be okay in 3 days.

Me: (Defeated in spirit, completely) Okay, thank you. Do I need to see you again?

Doc: (Very curtly) No.

I swear, I never went to the doc ever again! (Even though Vish insists maybe it was I who had 'intimidated 'the doctor :P)

So, what kind of chatty people do you like?

The last of the glorious 20s!

So this is it. There's no jackpot happening; nor is there a fortune awaiting to be accidentally chanced upon. Noble prize seems like an alternate reality, and being a prime minister/president doesn't figure on the horizon! 

Naah, not that I have really wanted any of the above...I mean I would like to believe if I really really wished for these, I would have tried working on it seriously, rather than make lazy wishes on an unmade bed! 

So, what is it? Well, I turned 29 this week, which basically leaves me with only one year before I hit the deadly, deadly number 30! I don't know if I feel older, but I have begun to wonder how long will the 18 till I die anthem offer consolation. Isn't there a magical optimism and effervescence, however misplaced it may seem, about being closer to 20 than 30! The paranoia starts right about when you turn 26 (read about my panic attack here), and only worsens as the candles on the cake increase. 

Trust me, I have already started reading through lists of things to do before you turn 30, and it's not helping! Most of them seem frivolous. Now, how does it matter if you have jumped off a plane or not?

As for the horror stories, 30s can't be all about expanding waistlines, receding hairlines, and budgets and bank balances, can they? Fortunately, I also hear assuring tales of more confident living and stable relationships. Sigh.

As to how my 30s will turn out, only time will tell (and there's not much left anyways before we find out - buaahhhhaaaa :( :(! I could have waited.

While I take my time to bid adieu to youth, as it were, and brace myself for true, true middle age, I would love to hear your take on the unseemly number, people call age!

[Image source: Google Images]

Towards greener pastures!

And I mean "greener" pastures more literally than anything else.

If you have been following me on my blog, you do not need a recap of all the trillion times I have cribbed about our stay in the desert. Well, here's an important lesson: if you crib hard enough and long enough, looks like god does intervene! 

We have moved across the country - all the way from Arizona to Virginia. And inspite of the obvious downside of a move: the distance, the packing, the organizing, apartment hunting, re-settling down, etc. etc., guess what, I am not complaining. At any given point of the day, the temperatures are atleast 20 degrees lower. There are no blast furnaces burning on your face when you open the door and the sun stays well withing its limits. Not to, ofcourse, mention the pleasant green everywhere. 

We are far from settling down just now, but I thought it is never too early to announce the closure of the desert diaries; greener pages should start soon :D. 

And hence we bid adieu to August on a cool note! 

[Image source: Google Images]

My favorite part of online news articles...

...Is the Comments section! 

However disturbing, grave or poignant the news maybe, there are so many people who find the time, patience and inclination to share their completely subverted and perverted vision with the whole e-world. And that usually makes for a very interesting, and more often that not, very hilarious reading. 

I am not trying to take a high moral stand here saying that only my opinion is right, but that so many people have such shocking views that they feel are right, is what baffles me. Vish and I are often exchange such comments and together wonder at the diversity (and absurdity?) of the human consciousness.

Here are some examples:

• In articles where a woman has been reportedly harassed, molested or sexually assaulted, there will always be these front running patriarchs who will find fault with the woman. "Why was she alone?" "For the kind of clothes she was wearing, she deserved it" "I am sure she provoked the guy/s". "Women are cause of all trouble."

• In articles where harassed women in live-in relationships have committed suicide, our moral police step up their act. "This is what happens when you try to ape western culture." "The woman's character  has led to this." "Why wasn't she married; she wouldn't be harassed if she was married to the guy".

• In articles that report the accused man has been arrested, staunch believers in the supremacy of "man"kind retort: "Why only men are blamed for harassment of women, why not the other way round?" "Maybe she provoked him into raping her." "She should get married to him instead of putting him behind bars." "Men will be men, women should protect themselves." "Why aren't wives/girlfriends arrested when husbands/boyfriends commit suicide?" And this is a genuine gem: "Can you please tell me which company the accused was working in? I am looking for a job and I am sure his position is now vacant."

• In articles discussing power failure in India, patriots suddenly arise from nowhere. "India is better off than other countries, unlike the developed nations atleast our lives don't come to a full stop when the electricity goes of." One Sri Lankan wrote, "Sri Lanka is better", and to that an Indian responded, "Please keep quiet, else we will invade you. The last time we invaded you, we killed your president". Confused as to when India invaded Sri Lanka? So were Vish and I. Thankfully the Indian guy had posted a wiki link. It pointed to the story of Ramayana and Ram's invasion of Lanka.

• In articles that talk about sports, especially cricket matches, the range is even better. From abusing each others' countries, to abusing your own players, that too in extreme expletives that I dare not reproduce here!

• Ditto as above on Hollywood and Bollywood articles. And I am talking about 100-200 word detailed comments. There's marital advice that goes on for lines and lines; genuine love expressed in fancy vocabulary and even extreme hatred for no specific reason.

• And let me not even get into articles that discuss immigration issues or inter religion/community/sect issues. There is a violence in the very wording that is bone chilling. Merciless words are thrown around so irresponsibly, "Gas so and so; nuke such and such country; throw them out", etc. etc.

So what is your opinion on such commentators? At times, I just laugh the comments off but certain comments get me thinking as to what might be the motivation behind such long winded tirades (most anonymously posted or in disguise) that are so distasteful. Do they not realize it? Or is it just a fun exercise - taking the Internet for granted and unleashing your crap in all the spare time you have? A skewed sense of e-freedom, maybe?